Note to myself

Dear Buddy...

Dear Henry,

Time flies. It's been almost ten years since you have left us. I miss the olden days a lot. Where days are much peaceful and life is easier than I can think of. I miss you teaching me a lot and watching me grow up. The times back then is much happier. 

Remember the last time I brought a boy with me to our reunion dinner? 
I've broken up with him and you're right. I didn't know enough of this man with me. I shouldn't have been so reckless when it comes to relationships. 

Although I have met a man last year. We got into a relationship pretty quick and the next thing I know is I got pregnant. He was very happy and then we got married. All these happened within half a year. 

But then one day I found out that he has more secrets than he can remember. The moment I realize I was really on raged. I was around 8 months pregnant back then, I was so angry to the point I wanted to drop the baby at that moment. But deep down I know, baby was innocent and all I can do is to divorce with this man I don't know much. 

Until now, I still feel like there's a needle in my heart and brain. Whenever I need to go back to his house for dinner, it's just like a movie of them playing in my mind. Although he said he didn't really like her if you do not interest in that woman, why would you bother to start with her? And why let her move in and live together if you didn't plan to get married. 

I feel like all these are just a lie. He does love me, but I think we got married just because I was preganant. I hate him so much at the same time I love him so much.

I am lost and I want to hide from all these and go to a place where no body knows us at all. 

May 2020
TC