Pete One-Shots

Grown Up

  *Warning: mentions of loss of pregnancy.

I was driving too fast. I felt the tears drying on my face, the wind creating a trail as I took another breath of the cold November breeze. I sniffed a little as my eyes felt like they were on fire. The wind was drying them as my brain brought up more memories that brought another stream of tears.

I couldn't do this shit anymore. Knowing he wasn't there beside me when I needed him the most. Especially now. He was pissed out of his head and high as a kite at his friend's house. 

-----

"Miss G Davids?" 

I glanced one more time at the entrance doors and he wasn't there. Wasn't answering his phone. Wasn't replying to my messages. Was off the face of the earth. But I knew where he was. He always ended up hanging with his "bros".

I nervously got up and followed the doctor into their office. 

"Alright so what I've gathered is that you have been experiencing numerous bouts of painful cramping and bleeding in the last couple days, is that right?"

My hands were clasped on my lap and I began wringing them. Nervous habit.

"Yep that's right".

"And you're aware of your current state?"

"What do you mean, sorry?"

"You're aware of your pregnancy, yes?"

"Yes". I lowered my head to look at my feet. I was ashamed of myself. I was going to raise a child by myself. I knew a grown ass man-child would do nothing for a child. Even if it was his own blood.

There was a moment of silence before I heard the doctor shift until he almost was one knee in front of me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and coughed. Those nervous coughs before you blurt something out that you don't want to.

"I don't know how to say this Miss Davids. From the symptoms you've described over the past week. We might have to do a scan to verify but in my honest opinion, I have reason to believe.

I glanced into his eyes as a daughter would to her father. Seeking some sort of sign of what he was about to say. Listening to every word...

"Believe you may be experiencing an early term miscarri-"

"WHAT!"

Hundreds of voices starting talking at the same time in my head. Jeering, consoling, instigating. They were all going at the same time as the words of my doctor began fading and I could only see his mouth moving. I was feeling faint again.

----

It was another hour before I was released from the hospital. I had to have a scan done since they couldn't find a heartbeat. Blood work. Another pregnancy test to confirm. I just did as the doctor told me to. I was feeling dumb. I mean I was only 22 and had more years to have children but I felt the loss pull at my heartstrings. I felt those words leave the doctors lips and I cried out in my head. For the loss I was mourning. I felt like I had held it in my hands and lost it. I was surreal. I thought of the future it would never see. I thought of the parent I could have been. I found out at most I was just a little over a month into the pregnancy.

And it was all gone. The doctor thought it may have been stress. I just held onto the loss. 

I put my foot on the pedal a little harder as I turned another corner and pulled up at this stupid house. This fuckin' house where I knew he was. Partying and having the greatest time of his life. Fuck this dickhead.