Before - H.S

one

^picture of felicity in bed after writing her diary entry.

Florence Rhodes:

dear diary,

do you ever feel like being alive just isn't enough? Like everyone around you expects you to be a good person, a perfect person. And you try. But by the end you just feel like a worse person that you were before. I had the dream again last night. He was stood there again watching me on floor, and once again after my tumbling pass i feel my heals slip from under me and i end up flat on my back, as i get up i see him there, in the stands glaring at me and with that he storms off. Its all i can think about. After that i quit gymnastics, i was never meant to do it anyway, my dad just wanted me to get into college for free but i'm tall, i would have never made it. I never even liked it to be honest. It's been a year since i was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and i feel like everyday of my life it's slowly crushing me, with my mum pressuring me to get a job on a set of a movie, or a tv show and my head telling me i'm not good enough i just feel like one day my thoughts and pressures will crush me so much there will be nothing left.

i have my last interview today...wish me luck.

- flo xox

I think about my diary entry as i lie in bed. How can i be enough? How can i be a good person? It's incredibly embarrassing that my mom's boyfriend has to get my this interview in the first place, and if i get it i don't want it. I knew going into this that i'd be travelling, Milan, Paris, LA, London, Newyork. But i never expected that i would be travelling nonstop for six months. Anyway they probably won't hire me. I sit up in my bed, i should have slept earlier last night. i turn to look at the clock. it's ten already?!

I am so late, i scramble out of bed and grab as much of my makeup as possible and shove it into my case.
"Tom! have you seen my skirt and shirt?" i shout down the stairs. I get no reply so run down there my self.
"Mom! where's my outfit?" i shout as i run into the cluttered kitchen.
"It's at the dry cleaners darling, you were meant to pick it up yesterday, aren't you running a bit late?"

no mom i am not.

i have no time to reply with the sacracstic remark and run back up stairs to see if i have anything suitable in my closet. Of course i don't, all my clothes are jeans and T-shirt's.

I run to my moms room and grab one of her ugly suits. This will have to do. I grab my makeup case and run out to my car. This isn't how this morning was meant to go, i was meant to get breakfast leave two hours early, prepare myself. Oh well, this is just the universe telling me this job isn't for me.

I arrive at a old looking office, just outside my city.
am i at the right place? Surely this can't be where one of the biggest boy bands employ their staff. I walk in and there's a old women at the reception, she has bright red lipstick on which terribly clashes with he purple frizzy hair.

"You must be here for one direction, bit late aren't we?" she chuckles to herself.

well i tell you what sherlock Holmes, you are unbelievable

"just through the double doors then take a left" she says to me.
It's pretty clear by now that i have no chance of this job, but i may as well try.
I walk down the rickety hallway and knock on the door.
no answer.
"hello?" i shout "i'm Florence Rhodes i'm here for my interview.

Suddenly, the door swings open, and i'm greeted with five boys, all sat round a desk, accept one who's standing in the corner of the room on his phone.
"your late" the blonde boy says as he approaches me. He slowly give out his hand
"nice to meet you, i'm Niall, this is Liam, Louis Zayn and that guy in the corner is Harry." he says to me and i shake his hand.
"please sit." he goes on to say.