Finding Trust and Honesty (bxb)

Chapter 10

I steeled myself, I need to tell him, before our relationship goes further, it needs to be built on trust and honesty, not secrets. "I used to do what Tobin does." I voiced, finding a way to say it without actually saying it.

I held my breath and watched his still frame, waiting for his reaction, praying it wouldn't be too bad.

I saw him take in a sharp breath and his amber eyes blazed brighter than I'd ever seen them. An inhuman roar echoed in the computers speakers and his body leapt from the chair, disappearing from the camera frame.

My breath shuddered out and I closed my eyes, the roar still echoed in my head, he was beyond pissed, my heart and soul ached and chilled. It hurt for him to be angry with me, it felt unnatural. That part of me that felt possessive, my newly awakened wolf, I could practically hear him whimpering in my mind, he wanted our mate, to comfort and calm, despite Caesar's obvious anger.

I let out a deep sigh and sank back in the chair, tight pain buried deep in my chest. What would happen now? I almost never wanted to see him again, I wanted to hide, run away, but I couldn't. We couldn't be apart long, it put more than just our lives in danger, and despite my nervousness and reluctance I didn't really want to be apart from Caesar, I still yearned for him. I shut the computer and rested my elbows on it, rubbing my face with my hands, letting it rest there.

I wondered how I would face him, he was the one thing I couldn't run from, I couldn't hide from him like I did everything else. I remember him saying how mates can't stay mad at each other for long, I hoped it was true. I didn't want him to be angry with me, and a small part of me reminded me that I didn't deserve his anger, I didn't know I was destined to be someone's mate while I was fucking some twink in front of camera's a year ago. Heck I didn't know that yesterday morning when I was balls deep in Oakley for fucks sake. The past was the past, it was just what it was, no one had the power to change it, even if they wanted to. He would have to except that part of my history, I was his mate, I was his, even if he wanted me or not.

The pains in my chests worsened at the thought of Caesar not wanting me, almost if my heart was breaking at the thought.

I felt the need to talk to someone, a rarity for me, I normally just ignored or buried my problems and worries, hoping they'd go away on their own or sort themselves out. I hardly ever confided in others, as my father had said, I was secretive, I didn't like to depend on others, if I only depended on myself than I had only myself to blame.

This was different though, Caesar had ignited something in me besides my wolf, the yearning to deeply connected, for him to know everything about me and me to know everything about him, no boundaries between us. I wanted his love, not his anger, I wanted to see those burning amber eyes for the rest of my life, smell that sweet natural scent with the maddening spice, feel his hot and hard body pressed against me, in a sexual embrace but also a comforting one, I wanted to hear the rough growl of his voice in my ears. I wanted him.

But who to call? My parents came to mind but then again I couldn't tell them about the whole werewolf thing, could I? There was only one other person I could ever consider confiding in, and that was Max, I could tell him everything without skirting the truth, he was already a werewolf, plus he was my best friend, my brother in everything but blood.

I picked up my phone from the desk and ignored the worry gnawing at my chest, my anxiety discouraging me, putting doubt into my mind, that I couldn't even trust Max, that he wouldn't understand, that he'd hate me for it. I shook off the thoughts and pressed dial. My heart thumped in my chest and breathing came a litter harder, I put the phone to my ear and waited for what felt like hours, but I knew it was only seconds.