Finding Trust and Honesty (bxb)

Chapter 23

We left Mos and Jean with some pack members in the den to get them settled in and informed of the territory rules and such. I followed Caesar quietly back to his place, my mind curdled milk at the moment from the recent revelation. If Jean was right and if I'd guessed right then my father had a lot of explaining to do. How could he not of told me? So much of my life made sense now, my insatiable sex drive, dislike for relationships excluding the one between Caesar and I. Why wouldn't he tell me?

I followed Caesar up the steps and into his basement, he silently took my hand, helping me up the last few steps before closing the trap door. "You've been awfully quiet darlin', is everything alright?" his voice was soft and tinged with worry. He gently cupped my face, his caramel eyes focused only on me.

"it's just that... if Jean's right then... then what does it mean? My parents must have had a reason not telling me... it explains so much... you don't think of me differently, do you?" I murmured in a whisper, voicing some of my never ending thoughts.

"Of course not pup, you're still you, we just have a label for it now." he assured and tenderly kissed me for a few moments, pulling away and leading me all the way upstairs to where my phone was.

I sat on the unmade bed with a deep sigh, my phone in my hand, never have I dreaded a call so much. My chest tightened and my eyes burned with the need to cry, I noticed that I'd started to struggle to breathe, my body unintentionally holding its breath from my stress. Caesar had just nipped to the bathroom and the few minute or so he'd been gone I was almost having a full blown anxiety attack again.

He appeared in the doorway and was by my side instantly. "Darlin'? Hey." he cooed, sitting beside me and pulling me against him. I wheezed, desperate for breath, uncontrollable tears streaming down my face and sobs bubbling up from my throat. My chest ached painfully and I couldn't help but tremble. I could feel my heart racing in my chest, palpitating from my panic and low oxygen. "It's alright darlin', shh." he gathered me in his arms and pulled me on his lap. "You need to breathe pup, come on, fill those lungs for me." he urged.

I tried but my lungs felt non-existent, the breaths I could suck in were tiny, my lungs completely shut off. My breathing got worse and I began to feel dizzy, heaving and sobbing, my vision blurred with tears. Bear wasn't here to help me this time and although Caesar's hold was comforting it wasn't enough. "Bear." I gasped out, I knew he was with my parents but I haven't wanted him beside me so much before.

"Shit!" he hissed, I felt him take my phone from my hand and a distant dialling tone. "Max. Max I don't know what to do, he's- fuck he's turning blue!"

"Lie on him? How's that going to- alright I'm doing it." I felt him lay me down on the bed, his weight soon following. "In for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8? He can't breathe Max! How's telling him that going to fucking help?!" the phrase I'd repeated over and over in my head grounded me, his weight making me feel safe and present in the moment helped me grasp at reality and not the panic flooding my brain.

In for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8.

I tried to do just that, breathing in despite how hard it was and how much my chest hurt, holding my breath despite how desperate I needed to breathe and slowly exhaling, counting as I went. In for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. In for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8. In for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8.