Learning to Be Happy Again

Chapter Twelve: Even Empaths Make Mistakes

A/N: Sorta wanted to keep this one going, but I can't give everything away all at once, now can I. Also, I have to write for my school's literary magazine, meaning I probably won't be able to write this week. :(

"What are you doing here?" Tam is sitting with his arms around his knees at the base of the grand staircase near the entrance, the shadows around him starker than they should've been.

"I," I falter, not sure what to say. Do I apologize? Say I'm here for him? Both?

Tam stands up. "Because you had no right to do that. I could've handled it. I'm getting better. And I trusted you! Why did you do that?" He turns around and starts going up the stairs.

"Tam, wait. I'm sorry. I really am. It just happened, I could feel your distress and I just--I'm sorry." I follow him up the stairs tentatively.

"You could feel me that far away?" Tam continues up the stairs and mumbles something else. He turns around, backing up still. "Please, just. Go? I need to be alone." His words sound cold and detached, which only reinforces my thought that he does in fact need help.

"No, please, just. Let me help?" The words that come out of my mouth sound foreign. Why do I sound so needy? This is for him, not me.

"It's hard to help when it's your fault." With that, Tam turns around and stomps up the stairs, but not before adding insult to injury. "I trusted you, you know."

I don't respond, because how am I supposed to? And then he's gone and it's too late. What have I done? I walk back to the group, dejected and guilty. Why did I even follow him in the first place? People need their space, and it was my fault so why would he have wanted to speak to me of all people? I've ruined everything.

"Hey, I'm gonna go," I say when I get back to the room. Most nod, but I notice Linh looks worried, so I go up to her and whisper, "You were right. I think he'll be alright, but he definitely needs space. Tell him I'm sorry?"

She nods, sighing. "Alright."

When I stand back up, Dex does the same. "I'll see you out."

"Do you like Fitz?" We've reached the door.

"Um. Why?" Dex responds, looking away.

"I just get vibes. I'm good at that you know?" I wink.

Dex rolls his eyes. "Uh, yeah, I do. Just don't tell him, okay? I don't want him to know especially after," he pauses, gesturing vaguely at me.

I scratch my neck. "Yeah, that. Well, take care of him, yeah? He holds on to emotions, I don't want this to be his downfall."

He pats my shoulder. "It won't be. He's stronger than that. Don't beat yourself up about it. It's not your fault you don't feel the same way." Dex looks like he wants to say more, but doesn't.

"And you wish it was you instead of me?"

"Shut up. But, yeah, I guess." He goes to open the door, face turned away from me, blushing presumably. "Also, you might not be as good at 'getting the vibes' as you think you are."

"What do you mean?" This shocks me.

Dex gives me a look. "You'll figure it out. See you later, and thanks for coming."

I--yeah thanks for inviting me. It was nice to be with the whole crew." I walk out into the cold and Dex closes the door. I leap back to Elwin's, thoughts turning.

***

No one is home when I get back, so I go to my room to draw. I go through the day, pondering what Dex had told me. What was I missing?

After what seems like no time, I hear the door open and shut from downstairs and then, "Keefe? Are you home?" It's Elwin, which is perfect, because I need to talk to him.

"Yeah, could you come up here?" I quickly hide my drawing and move to sit on my bed.

"What did you want to talk about, kiddo?" Elwin stands in the doorway, and suddenly I am nervous.

"Well. Dex's wasn't great. Tam got upset because I defended him, so that's in shambles. He doesn't trust me anymore, I think. But that's actually what I want to talk to you about. Why do I need to help him? I noticed that when I asked to help him when he stormed off, it sounded like I needed it more than he did." My mind flashes back to the interaction, thanks to the amazing photographic memory, and I look down at my hands. "Do I like him?" I whisper.

Elwin's face softens immediately, and he sits down next to me. "Is that what you think is happening?"

I look at him, and suddenly feel like crying for some reason. "I don't know? It feels like that, but I didn't even feel this way with Sophie. I just care so much, it hurts, and I can't." I pause, taking a breath. "I can't lose him, Elwin. He understands, I can't lose that."

Elwin pulls me into an awkward side-hug. "It sounds like you like him a lot."

"I do," I respond, muffled somewhat in Elwin's embrace. "What do I do? He hates me now."

Elwin sighs, and I feel ripples of lukewarm pale blue come off of him. It feels like confusion, but that can't be exactly right. It's hard to put a finger on exactly. "I'm not really sure. You could tell him how you feel, I suppose." His answer feels uncertain. "But I think you should build up his trust first. You should hail Linh. See what she thinks." When he keeps talking, his words become more confident.

"Yeah, okay. But. I just." I stop, not wanting to repeat myself.

"Hey, kiddo?"

"Huh." I look at him sideways, still fidgeting with my hands.

"Don't worry too much. It will work, you just have to be patient, okay?"

It's like he read my mind. "What are you, a telepath?"

Elwin chuckles, and his emotions swell, reminding me of that night in the school infirmary. "You have that look on your face."

I jump up, suddenly feeling confident, but also wanting to move on. I can't handle talking about Tam anymore. "You wanna see something I drew?"

Elwin perks up, looking a little surprised. "You draw? But, yes, of course."

"Um, yeah, but I mostly keep them hidden because it wasn't very encouraged back, uh, back with, well. You know." I almost said back home, but that place didn't fit the title. Now or ever, really. I pick the drawing of us and bring it over to Elwin, watching intently for his reaction.

"Keefe, I." His face is hard to read, his emotions even more so, leaving me to the conclusion that he hates it.

I quickly put the drawing back on the desk. Of course this wouldn't go over well. But then Elwin is hugging me.

"Keefe, I love it so much." He tries to say more, but gets choked up.

We stay like this for a while, a feeling of warmth around us, like love, like warmth.