Learning to Be Happy Again

Chapter Four: What Is He Doing Here

Elwin doesn't allow me to go to school the next day. He says that it's because I need to recover, but I have a feeling it's so he doesn't go after me. Waking up to find your son gone must be quite a shocker, though I can't imagine he'll miss me.

So, in the afternoon I'm surprised to hear a knock at the door. My mind goes straight to my father being at the other end sets my heart racing, but quickly realize that it wouldn't make any sense for him to be there. So I get up from my bean bag and open the door.

Elwin is there with--

"Bangs Boy?" I look at Elwin. "What is he doing here?" Tam is leaning on Elwin looking rather pale but also like someone turned the lights down specifically on him.

Elwin gives me a look. "Linh called me about fifteen minutes ago. Told me he was in a bad way. When I got there his room was pitch black and he was passed out. I thought it might be trauma from the Neverseen and figured you'd be able to help."

I falter for a second. "Um, okay. Sure. But why me? It's not like we're really friends."

"You know what it's like. And it's important to have someone who understands." He gives me a look again.

I nod. "Right. Uh, okay. Should we go to my bedroom then?"

When Elwin walks in through the doorway, Tam grips his shoulder tighter and groans slightly. Elwin whispers something in Tam's ear. When he nods, Elwin picks him up bridal style and carries him the rest of the way to my bedroom, dropping him on my bed carefully. Tam makes another noise, even smaller than the last.

I frown. "Is he going to be okay?"

"I hope so. But I think you could help him, Keefe."

I look at Tam, who has now curled into fetal position. The area around him is turning dark slowly. I look back at Elwin, who's worry is growing.

"Well, I've got to get back to Foxfire. You'll be okay, right?" Elwin looks at me meaningfully.

"Yeah, I'll hail you if anything goes disastrously."

Elwin nods, and walks out of the room taking a quick glance at Tam when he's through the door.

So I sit down on the bed and look over to Tam. He's still in a ball and the darkness around him has grown slightly, though little enough that I can barely tell it's grown. He's shivering too. I realize that oozy, sharp waves of dark heat are coming off of him too. That's a lot of emotion for one person. But it's weird, with hate, usually the spikes are directed outward, but these are pointed inward. The anger is the same, it's more inward somehow.

"Hey Tam, I'm here. I understand. And I'm alive too, so there's that," I whisper.

He sits up at that. "I know. She told me you would survive. That's not the issue. I still did it. You still suffered. Linh is still not okay, I can tell. And I still joined."

"You didn't have a choice! Of course you joined! Your sister was in danger. And I know it's hard, but it gets better. It really does." I refrain from saying "trust me".

"You weren't forced to hurt someone though."

I shut up at that. But then, "That doesn't mean I can't help you know. Just because we don't have everything in common doesn't mean I can't help. And anyway, you're making my room really cold, so let's get you happy again." I regret saying this immediately because the room gets colder and the spikes get bigger, darker, heavier.

He looks at me, and somehow the situation gets worse. He looks pale, but not in a healthy way, making the bags under his eyes more pronounced. "I can go. I mean, if you don't want me here." He looks down again.

"No, stay. It's fine. I, well, you should stay. Talk. That might make you feel better. Please." I put my hand on his shoulder.

He shifts away quickly, but nods.

"Do you, do you want to do a shadow reading on me before?" I don't want to overstep Tam's boundaries, more than I feel I already have.

He shakes his head. "I don't want to hurt you."

"And touching me would do that?"

"I--probably. I'm really just not safe to be around anymore."

"And why is that?" I am starting to genuinely be worried for Tam, which is a weird feeling. I shift a little closer.

He points at my neck. "That. And. And when Elwin got me. Well. The room was so cold. Linh said it hurt. I. I don't want to hurt her." Tam's hands go to his face.

"But you didn't hurt her, right? She's alright. She just got really cold, that's all." I pause to think for a second. "Here. Why don't you try touching me, only minimally, just to see what happens. Is that alright? I promise I'll say something if it hurts." I look at Tam for an answer.

"Um, alright. But you promise, right?"

"I promise. Why don't you start with your finger? Just poke my arm, okay?"

He nods and reaches out apprehensively. When his finger touches my forearm, a blast of cold, sharp feeling comes from it. I almost flinched, but didn't. Years of hiding things from your parents will do that to you, I guess. Something else comes through too, but Tam's finger leaves too quickly for me to get a gage on what it is.

"Did it hurt?" Tam asks urgently, pulling me out of my wonderings.

"No. See? It's okay. Why do we try something a little bit more. Can you hold onto my hand for a few seconds?"

The blush on Tam's pale face is very evident, so I say, "No, I mean. It's just to, you know. You know that's not what I meant."

He chuckles softly, which is quite an accomplishment in his state. "Of course. Sure, I'll do it." So, he reaches out his hand and puts in mine. The feelings are there, but they seem a little bit dimmer. The other feeling feels blocked off now, and I don't pry. The point of this isn't for my curiosity. I do notice that his hand is extremely cold. Not enough to really say anything, because that kind of thing happens, but under the circumstances, I file it away to let Elwin know.

Tam pulls his hand away from mine abruptly. "I, uh, think I'm better now. So, I'm going to go, okay?" He stands up and goes to the door.

"Uh, right. Are you sure? Well, if you ever need an ear again, I'm here."

He nods. "I'll keep that in mind." And with that, he's out the door.

I flop on my bed and sigh loudly. That felt good. I could actually help someone in something. Is it selfish to feel wanted?