STARDUST ⭑ LUKE PATTERSON

thirteen and a half

"THEY WOULD YELL, they would scream, they were fighting it out

She would hope, she would pray, she was waiting it out"

Emmy's relationship with her parents had always been rocky. Her and her mother, Camila, never got along. Deep down, they both knew why. They both understood that she was the reason her father always left.

Because of that, Emmy always resented her. Whenever she'd wash the dishes a little too loudly, Emmy would roll her eyes and think how inconsiderate she was. If Mrs. Rosario laughs along to a joke a little too loud, Em would wince.

Camila recognized her daughter's pain. She felt her own too. She had a husband who didn't try hard enough to be a family, and a child who looked at her and felt hurt.

So, she picked up hours at the hospital. Her maternity clothes swapped out for nursing scrubs. She spent long nights in the ER and slept her day away alone in her bedroom.

Emmy hated it.

She hated how her dad only loved her when it was convenient for him. She hated how her mother never batted an eye at her, and Emmy knew deep down it was because she was a spitting image of the man who couldn't love her the way she needed to be loved.

"Holding on to a dream

While she watches these walls fall down"

Tensions were high that morning, Emmy waking up to the sun barely out on the horizon, but booming voices shattering the silence downstairs. Her dad was home. She could recognize his shouting anywhere.

"Sharp words like knives, they were cutting her down

Shattered glass like the past, it's a memory now"

"Where the fuck were you now?" Camila screeches. Emmy could practically hear her mother's hands waving in the air.

"Does it matter?" he spits out. The slamming of a refrigerator door is heard.

"Yes, it does. You have a responsibility-"

He curses in a familiar foreign language. "No I don't."

"You are a father-"

He laughs so bitterly. Emmy takes her pillow and shoves it over her head. Her dad had been out of the house for three weeks, the longest time he's ever been gone.

"Hey mom, hey dad

When did this end?

Where did you lose your happiness?"

Last time, they fought while Emmy was at the studio. By the time she was walking home, Luke with her, they saw Mr. Rosario's car speed out of the driveway. Camila was shouting after him.

"You should go," Emmy mutters.

"Em..."

She turns to her best friend, smile comforting, but eyes filled with shadows. "It's okay. You walked me home. I'm safe now."

He reluctantly leaves and Emmy stalks to her room, not able to meet her mother's eyes as she cries on the couch.

"Who's right, who's wrong

Who really cares?

The fault, the blame, the pain's still there"

"We both know that that is utter bullshit," Emmy's father continues. She throws her blankets off of her, feet slipping into her shoes.

"Stop saying that!" Camila roars. The young girl makes her way down the hallway, standing still at the top of the stairs. "You were supposed to be better than your father," she seethes.

"Wrote it down on the walls, she was screaming it out

Made it clear, she's still here, are you listening now?

Just a ghost in the halls

Feeling empty, they're vacant now"

"I am! I'm making money to support this fucking family, which is more than he ever did."

"You're supposed to be here. You're supposed to stay with Emmy."

"I have a job."

"YOUR JOB IS TO STAY!" Camila screams. "Your job is to love your daughter. She deserves it, and you make her believe that she isn't worth your time whenever you choose not to spend time with her."

"All the battles, all the wars, all the times that you've fought

She's a scar, she's the bruises, she's the pain that you brought."

"Oh, is that it?" he gawks. "So, why don't you, huh? Why are you working every hour of the day? You don't care to spare some time for her, or even me."

"I'm trying to support us. I don't ever want her to go through what we went through when we were in the Philippines. We didn't eat for days. Our roof leaked. We could barely even wash our clothes."

"And who's fault was that? Every penny went to your fucking school fund."

"Shut the fuck up."

"Fuck you!"

"I-"

"There was life, there was love

Like a light and it's fading out"

"STOP!" Emmy screams, marching down the stairs. Her eyes were already burning with the anticipation of tears. Her nose twitches at the searing pain in the back of her throat. "JUST STOP!"

"Emmy-"

"You painted memories then washed out all the scenes

I'm stuck in between a nightmare and lost dreams."

"STOP!" she finds herself yelling at her dad, something she'd never do. Staring at the two of them, eyes wide with mania, Emmy finally understood. "I get it. I get why you leave," she breaks. "But if you really don't love us, then you don't have to stay."

"Emerald," he says softly. His eyes glossy with pain.

"Who's right, who's wrong

Who really cares?"

"No. I'm giving you an out. I'm giving you a chance to leave and not come back out of guilt," Emmy states. Her bottom lip trembles. "All this time I've been mad at the one who stayed, but I shouldn't wait around for you to finally love me." Emmy's chest rips open with a broken sob, heart bleeding.

"The fault, the blame, the pain's still there."

"I do," he pleads. He turns to her, reaching out to pull her into a hug. Emmy steps away like he's poison, because truly, that's what he is.

"Then tell me why you always go."

He looks between her and her mother, and suddenly Emmy didn't look like him anymore. She looked like Camila, with her fiery voice and biting words. It suited her.

"I'm...it's hard, anak." Her heart falls at his term of endearment. "I was never taught how to love-"

"But you could've learned."

He stares at her, mouth agape. "I didn't want to be like my father..."

"Yeah," Emmy sighs. "Me neither."

She grabs her keys off the hook, walking out of the house without ever turning back.

"I'm here alone inside of this broken home

This broken home."