Rediscovering Real Spirituality During The Covid-19 Pandemic...

I am a person who has always enjoyed going to Synagogue for services. I have always relished the opportunity to pray and talk with people who share the same kind of background I do. I have always appreciated a great sermon, and I like the idea of leaving with a feeling that I've experienced a spiritual shower. It is uplifting and healthy for the brain and the soul.

Since the Covid-19 pandemic struck, my world required some serious adjustments. It all started with my Sister being hospitalized in March of 2020. She almost passed away and was one of the earliest and first cases of Covid-19 in our area. Her symptoms presented differently but she was extremely sick. Her organs started shutting down. I never prayed so hard in my life, and my prayers were answered. After eighteen days in the Intensive Care Unit and five days on a hospital floor, she was finally released to go home. I will be grateful to Gd and the medical team that looked after her for the rest of my life.

One of the things that changed was the news that Covid-19 was highly infectious and proper precautions had to be taken to try and avoid catching the virus. This meant wearing a mask when going into stores and washing hands on a more frequent and regular basis. It also meant people couldn't assemble in large numbers. I liked going to Synagogue every Saturday morning, but I made the decision to start praying at home.

When my Father passed in the summer of 2009, I spent the year going to different synagogues in Toronto to say the memorial prayer for him. I really enjoyed interacting with the different communities and it allowed me to see how different Rabbis led their services.

When my Mom passed it was in the winter of 2019, and I flew to Florida and attended services primarily at two Synagogues in South Florida. I was fortunate to interact with some incredibly decent people and I made some new friends.

This year as the Covid problem became more serious in Toronto, I decided to retreat to my home to do my praying. It was hard to know that the Synagogues were open and I was praying by myself at home. I knew of some people who maintained community by praying with others over zoom, but I didn't feel comfortable with that idea. The things that happened regarding praying at home really surprised me.

I started on my own with Saturday morning or Shabbos services, and soon I started reading the prayers slower, reading the translation from Hebrew to English, and taking my time. I really loved the feeling. When I finished the service I felt a strong connection to Gd. I felt refreshed and revitalized.

I took a Torah class on Zoom during the week and read the commentary about the Torah Parsha or chapter being read. It required a brain stretch but again it led to a feeling of satisfaction when I was finished.

I have always believed that the connection between a person and Gd is highly personal and different for every individual. How the connection is made is special. There is something comforting about a direct link. I believe that when a person tries to follow all the ''proper'' rules on how to pray, it can lead to a dilution of sincere, heartfelt prayer. It reminds me of Middle Management. My belief is the connection should be directly between the person and Gd.

Not every person is a religious scholar and many people aren't blessed with a religious background, but their prayers are just as valid. When I was a kid, I heard someone say something about another person, they said ''I'm not passing judgment, that's Gd's job.'' I feel the same way about prayer, how a person tries to reach Gd is their choice, and nobody has the right to say anything about it. Telling someone they're not doing things right when they pray can be deflating and furthermore it's really nobody's business.

When it comes to what's happened with Covid-19 my faith is stronger than ever. I have become re-energized when it comes to my faith. I feel more excited about praying, I have started praying every day and I take my time to think about things more.

I am currently saying the Memorial Prayer for my Mom as it is the anniversary of her passing. I am doing it via Zoom from my home with people from a Conservative Synagogue, Adath Israel. The people have been beyond lovely. It is a different kind of service but I feel comfortable and I am completely fine with it. I never thought I would be praying with other people over Zoom in my life.

I guess the bottom line is being in Home Isolation has allowed me to review many things in life. As much as I miss getting together with people, my spiritual side seems to be flourishing. I have more belief in Gd than ever. My prayers seem more thought out and more from the heart, I am not rushing through anything and I'm discovering prayers that I used to just skip over to be much meaningful. I am waking up in the morning and going to bed at night feeling fulfilled from a spiritual point of view. I never expected this to happen.

At the end of the day, spirituality is a wonderful thing. It allows a person to feel complete on a different kind of level. I will continue to pray and be grateful for the opportunity. The Covid-19 pandemic has sucked on a number of levels, but the reality is there is a silver lining in every cloud, and for me, it has been being able to pray with a new sense of purpose and commitment. When the vaccines kick in and we all go back to ''normal'' life, I think mine will be different. If I miss going to Synagogue on a Saturday morning, I will feel differently. I will know I can still connect, it will just be from a different location in a different way. Life for me will forever be different when it comes to thinking about prayer and for that I'm grateful.