Venom & Virtue

chapter 58

And one thing was obvious to me, above all else, certain, written in stone like a commandment.

Wherever it would go, however it would change, it would end only in disaster, tragedy beyond our control.

Whether we became something else to one another, or stayed detached like roots from a tree, there would be no good end to it.

***

I'd never truly thought about death before, not in the real sense, certainly not how old people thought of it, like a looming danger waiting for them just around the corner.

Being alive for only 17 years had afforded me the luxury of not concerning myself with it, merely packing the prospect away in a mental box, burying it far in the distant reaches of my mind, allowing it to gather dust.

The vivacity of life had always felt so palpable to me, thoughts of the future stretching on forever and ever, an amusement park ride that wouldn't have to end for a long time because I had more than enough tickets.

In that sense, existing seemed so infinite, its longevity reliable, the years ahead laid out for the taking. The exciting opportunities awaiting my arrival.

The only time I'd ever considered the notion was in mental plans of my life, the final destination being a peaceful end, hopefully in my sleep without much fuss.

The blunt truth of the matter being that death wasn't particularly important, not when I had all my life to live, a significant number of steps along the way.

A job. Travelling. Another job. Boyfriend. Adventure. Promotion. House. Proposal. Wedding. Marriage. Pregnancy. Family. Empty nest. Growing old. Dying.

But, as I watched the vibrant green sparks shoot from the tip of Bellatrix's wand, hurtling rapidly towards Draco, I realised that my failure to think about such a thing had been entirely foolish.

It then seemed to be a complete lapse in judgement, one I would never forgive myself for, an error beyond comprehension.

The realisation hit me like a hex into the cavern of my chest.

I had wasted so much time.

Everything I'd spent my energy worrying about, particularly since the moment I'd met the Malfoy siblings, suddenly felt entirely ridiculous.

There was only one thing that mattered in that instant, Draco, and how I'd failed entirely to invest every second of the last 6 months into saving his life.

It was so obvious to me that I'd done him a disservice in not focusing on the risky topic of death, perhaps if I had, it might have procured a different outcome.

What had once felt like the most distant event, completely out of reach or concern, was now the most prevalent issue in my mind.

The main problem was, that I'd failed to realise, and been too naive to consider, how death was not a remote occurrence; but instead, the most significant likelihood, and guarantee, our mortal souls could face every day.

In the fraction of a second it took for the spell to travel across the atrium, my entire belief system about life and death crumbled in an instant, all that I thought I knew thrown out the window.