Love is a Drug:Jim Carroll(Leonardo DiCaprio)

Knocked out

I woke up to ringing in my ears from my annoying ass alarm clock and got out of bed. I was feeling sluggish, like I had just downed an entire bottle of vodka in one go. It was weird, yesterday I had some fun and I was in a good mood, but today that feeling was drowned by the thoughts of Jim. The entire night all I could think about was what he had done. Laying in an empty room with nothing to do, leaves a lot of free time to think, but it's rarely good thoughts,  you can only ever think of the negative things. And you start to slowly let go of all the good memories and good joyful feelings and forget them completely. It's the darkness that takes over. It takes over everything, even though it's only a change in light it can bring out the absolute worst in your entire life. It's the opposite if you're sitting in a bright room, you feel a sense of warmth, you start to think of the good things, and the good memories. Losing track of all of the bad things that have happened. I was expecting to feel better when I woke up, when I turned on the lights, and when I ate, but no. I still felt like hurling myself off of the Empire State Building and just falling until I was no longer breathing. And of course mom was gone so I was alone all day. I had no use getting ready other than my uniform. I had no care anymore no one I felt the need to impress. I could give a fuck what other people though at this point. I only ever liked it when Jim complemented me. If anyone else did it I would feel uneasy. I headed to school dreading everything.

School was the same bore as always. Teachers droning on and on and on about useless shit I would never need in the real world. Like why do I need to know how reproduction works? I know all the basics, fuck somebody without protection and boom pregnant. Easy.

When school ended I headed straight home, not planning on making any detours. Just going straight until my street.
I walked straight with my head tilted down counting my steps. The sidewalks were filthy,covered in black spots which most commonly were old pieces of chewing gum. There were old cigarettes scattered all over with the company of old rotted food and other items of trash. I continued to walk until I ran into something or someone. I fell to the ground and hit my head on the concrete and went unconscious. The pain only lasted for a minute before I blacked out, but it was so painful. It felt like some chucked a metal pan right into the back of my head multiple times while someone hit it repeatedly once I was totally blacked out It felt like I was only asleep for ten minutes at most but when i fluttered my eyes open and woke up I was in a bedroom, but it wasn't my bedroom. I looked around, but my vision had become blurry. I could make out a wall covered in posters, they seemed to people doing something but I couldn't quite tell what. My head was hurting like crazy. It felt like there was a giant church bell banging against my skull repeatedly. I was about to pass out until someone touched my arm,
"Vivian. You can't fall asleep." it was Jim,"you can't fall asleep with a concussion, it can be bad for you."
Hearing was still difficult, same with seeing, but i could make out his facial features. His dark circles blurred and blending with his eyes his perfect eyes. His silky hair flopping down over me while he leaned over looking at me. Of course I was still mad at him, but he was still so hot.
"Let me get you some water." Jim left the room and went into the kitchen yet again I couldn't quite understand what he said, "Le- Mia get the waiter." That's what I could make out. I just gave him a thumbs up and stared at the ceiling. It was covered in writing and old posters and magazine covers. I remember helping Jim decorate this. We took sharpies and paint and wrote down our favorite quotes and random things.
(Flashback)
"Jim you can't write that!" I laughed at his choice of words, someone fuck me. Jim's maturity level was low.
"It's my room. And besides it's what I'm thinking."
He laughed I punched him In the arm.
"Ew! I could of lived my whole life without hearing that." We both laughed and continued to paint and draw And tape magazines and posters onto the popcorn ceiling.
¨Vivi, can you pass me the modge podge?¨
I screwed the lid back on and tossed it to him. He reached for it but leaned a little too far and toppled on top of me. For a moment we just lay there staring into each other's eyes. It was complete silence but it wasn't anything near awkward, in fact it was romantic and sweet, and of course Jim being on top of me was hot. Finally i decided to say something,
¨Good catch."he laughed at that and got up. We continued to decorate his ceiling and we had a good time, but I couldn't stop thinking about that moment. I always had a crush on Jim, I mean i had known him for 10 years.
                                             (Back to normal)
"Here you go Viv." Jim handed me a glass of water. Jim sat down on the edge of the bed in silence. Now this moment was awkward.
Now sometimes I wish I would go back and apologize right then and there but I had nothing to apologize for, he was the one who should apologize. But he didn't abs I thought he never would.