Lena's Love

Starry Confessions

God, I feel like I need a holiday after the Monday I've just had. It was a slap in the face after the amazing weekend. We had an assembly this morning about our future plans and what colleges we are going to apply to. I may be the only one, but I don't want to move out and go away to college.

I would rather do an online degree in journalism which I can do anywhere in the world and from home so I can be close to my family. I don't feel old enough to move out yet.

It was awkward telling my friends that at lunch. We all have different focuses. Ajax, Noah and Giri all want to take a year off travelling around the states and touring with the band. I think they are hoping they can kick start a career - they have already got half an album. Although they are not really famous yet they have over two thousand followers on Instagram so far. I didn't say anything, but a wave of sadness washed over me as we will be parting ways, probably drifting apart in the year he's gone, and he will probably meet some hot girl on the road and forget all about me and Ivywood.

I love spending time with him, he's just so easy to talk to and perfect company, and I know that Ivywood will not be the same without him here.

Maisie wants to be an elementary school teacher and study out of state, and Tiger wants to take over her dads rock shop as none of her brothers are interested. She has ambitious plans to grow the business and open new stores, and with hard work and determination I'm sure she will get there.

After a sobering day realising soon we will all be following different paths in life, inevitably drifting apart, I got home to find Adrian in a foul mood. I was trying to help him with his maths homework but he wouldn't talk to me or listen to my guidance. Even his stim toys couldn't calm him down, which led to him lashing out at me.

When mom got home she explained they had a blow up in the car to school this morning, because he overheard her conversation with Tammy, where she admitted she was having some trouble at work. He started to get worked up and accused her of lying as she told him everything was fine. He hates lies and has never told one, as his brain can't handle it as everything is very literal with his autism. He still hasn't really forgiven us for lying about Father Christmas being real. He was distraught for a whole year.

Today was a particularly bad day for him, which is a shame as he has been doing so well, especially considering what happened with our sperm donor Jonathan and the move. Hopefully he'll wake up and feel happier tomorrow after going to bed early.

I'm now in bed too, and trying to relax with a book, but I keep reading the same thing over and over. I guess my mind is just filled with anxieties and worries about the future and my family.

I look over to my bedside table as my phone lights up. With curiosity I pluck it up and smile as I see Ajax has messaged me. He's asking me if I want to come over to his for a little while. I chew on my bottom lip before slipping out of bed, burying my feet into mint slippers and shrugging on a dressing gown over my shorts and cami top.

I tiptoe to my window feeling a thrill rush through me. Pulling open my curtains reveals Ajax leaning boredly against his own. He smiles and stands up straighter as he sees me, gesturing for me to open my window as he does the same. I unlatch it, causing the cool November night air to rush in and raise goosebumps on my skin.

"Hey, you ok?" I whisper yell.

"Yeah you?" He grins, speaking in a low voice as he leans onto his veiny forearms.

"Fine," I nod. "What's up?"

"I was thinking about you and thought you probably weren't asleep yet. I saw you were a bit stressed today and wondered if you want to talk."