Learning Purpose [Unus Annus Fanfiction]

Part 14- Farewell From the Grave

(Pic Credit: https://www.satellitestories.org/category/personalnarratives/)

-Ethan

The night is cold and empty without Mark. I guess I'd gotten used to his presence on the other side of the room these past few weeks. Now that he's gone, I feel vulnerable, like I am the only person in the whole world.

The silence is overwhelming, but I calm myself by closing my eyes. It's ok, you'll see them tomorrow. You're fine.

In the silence, my mind fills the void with thoughts that keep me awake.

How long do you think you can keep your secret from Ava and Jack? How long until they have to find out?

I don't want to think about it, but I unwillingly imagine their reactions to me telling them I'm dying. They would pretend to be okay with it at first, but they would eventually distance themselves from me. I mean, I wouldn't want to be too attached to a dying friend either, right? Still, it pains me to think about that possibility. Then again, if I didn't tell them, I'd be breaking their hearts when I die. Even if they don't care about me like I think they do, having someone you know die is a difficult change. I don't want them to go through that.

I sigh.

And what about the channel? Do you really think you're good enough to make a channel? What if no one watches? What if the channel dies and no one cares? What will you do with your life, then?

That's enough "what if's" for one night. I grit my eyes closed and toss and turn trying to outrun the questions. I don't want to think about them, now.

Instead, I try and think about ideas for videos when we start filming.

I imagine myself doing stupid intrepretive dance moves while Amy films, or building a big fort in my room and playing games alone in there, maybe with Mark like a "Seance."

Every idea I come up with sounds like it would be better with two people, but that's nearly impossible with Mark being dead and all. And I can't ask any of my friends, because lord knows they don't care, and they wouldn't have enough experience anyhow.

Fear takes over as I imagine the channel being boring, having no subscribers, and being deleted with no one knowing it existed. Worse still, I don't know how to prevent that. Maybe ask Amy to tell Mark's fans to watch the channel?

That sounds desperate, like I'm banking off Mark's death. Plus I don't want to be dependent on him. This is my project too, and I want to put in the work to make it good and impactful.

Maybe I could pay for ads on Youtube? That sounds expensive, and for a broke junior in high school, it's impractical.

I sigh again, knowing I won't be able to come up with a solution anytime soon. It's best to just let life flow without worrying. It doesn't help that I'm just sitting in silence, so I try to think of something else.

I try to imagine me, Ava, Jack, and Mark sitting somewhere, just talking. I imagine it's been about a year, and today's my last day alive. I say goodbye to Ava, giving her the kiss I wish I hadn't rejected a week ago.

Then I say goodbye to Jack, thanking him for everything he's ever done for me, and telling him I'll watch over him, and that I'll always be with him.

And finally, when it comes to Mark, I hug him and thank him and he thanks me, and we sit in silence, knowing we've done everything we could with my last year alive, and his last year to live. Then somewhere a short distance away a camera fades to black and the world I knew would be gone.

I focus on that thought as I drift off into a peaceful sleep.

--

My alarm clock rings, and I hit it almost immediately. I was up before it started ringing, my nerves for the day to come overflowing. I can't wait to see Amy and Mark again.