Her Name Is Havoc

Two months ago

She was the first thing I opened my eyes on. I was blessed. It felt like a dream that I chose over reality. I held it too determinedly that it felt real. So I held even harder. As she shook me hard and called out my name, I exhaled. Please, be true, I thought to myself. But she can't be true. She isn't really here. Maybe I am dead. Dead is enough.
"Richard! Please, say something!" her voice said, but I know it was all inside my head, "Can you hear me?!"
Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for it. It's your head playing games on you. Don't fall for it.
"Why aren't you talking to me? Are you okay?!" she said with concern, her face sad if not pained. Are these eyes really glistering?
Why does it seem so real? I shut my eyes tightly.
"What's wrong? Why are you closing your eyes?"
"Because you're not real."
"Not real? Are you on something? What's wrong with you?"
"You can't be here. I must be hallucinating. I always do about you."
"You're talking to me now, so I am really here."
My heart is in a state of ignition. I opened my eyes gradually.
"You are really here?" I touched my hand to her cheek, "Am I not dreaming?"
"You're not," she said, sliding my hand off her face and looking away.
"Are you here to listen to me?" I asked praying my soul out.
"I am here because I thought you're dead."
"Dead?"
"You stopped abruptly halfway through your voice message. Right after mentioning dying and stuff like that. And I thought...well...that you might've done something stupid."
"Do you still care?" I know that was me testing whatever's left from her patience.
"Do you really want to go through this now?" she threatened.
"Sorry."
"You don't look okay. What's wrong? Are you sick?"
"Maybe. I don't know."
"Maybe?"
"I haven't been eating well lately."
"Really. When was the last time you ate?"
"Four days ago, I guess."
"Are you out of your mind?! Are you trying to die? You stupid pathetic jerk! Why are you doing this to me?! What do you expect me to feel when I find out you starved yourself to death?" and she broke into tears.
I froze. Maybe I never thought. How can I be so irresponsible and selfish? I despise myself so much that I make me sick. I tried my best to sit and pulled her into a hug. She pushed and shoved me away in frantic thrusts.
"Stay away from me! I hate you! You jerk!" she rocketed up from beside me and rushed to the door.
Seconds ago I was dying but not now. I was on my feet and chasing her. Strong and alive. Yes, she has that effect on me.
"Wait, Hazel," I grabbed her arm.
"LET GO OF ME! Don't come near me!" she pulled away from me.
"Just wait! I am sorry. Listen."
I was too tired of this already. No more running. I grabbed her firmly in a hug. I locked my arms around her with all the strength I got left. She struggled and cried in vain. She screamed for me to let her go and called me names, but I persisted. I won't let you go. Not again. After trying her best for about five minutes, I could feel her get tired. Her struggle was declining and her tears ran dry.
"Are you ready to listen to me now?"
"I don't want to listen. I said it before. Just let me go."
"Why? Why won't you listen? Because you're scared that you might get convinced? That you might decide to give me a chance? To stay?" I regretted that right away.
She turned her face to me in a somewhat fierce manner. I can tell she was angry. Her eyes were blazing. But after seconds of eye contact her eyes left mine for the ground. Not even a single letter came out from her. Wait. Was I right?
"Hazel. I know you've got no tolerance left for my 'Sorry'. So I won't apologize. I will just tell you that I am willing to change if you help me do. If you don't give up on me, I will do everything you want. I will, I promise. But don't leave me, please. I am lost without you. I am a fool who hasn't a life. You are my world, Hazel. Why is too hard to believe me? I am all about you now. And leaving me is just putting an end to my life. I couldn't last two weeks without you. Can't you see? I am madly in love with you," I lifted her chin up so our eyes could meet, "I would die for you. There could never be a heart out there that loves you the way mine does. Stay with me. If I was able to make it up to here without even asking for your name, don't you think I can change for you? I know I've been acting immature and possessive but it's just because I love you. I beg you not to do this to me. Please."
Her eyes never left mine just like my arms never left her. A tear slid down her face and towards her ear. It's reciprocal from the other side came down too. I stared at her expressionless face intently. My heart beats so high that I was deafened by them. She must've heard them herself. I was close to crumbling down and sobbing in defeat, when her lips parted in a smile. She nodded.
I wanted to carry her and twirl. To jump around the house and sing my lungs out. To tell her I love her and take her on a date. Maybe take her to the Opera. I wanted to go hiking and skiing with her. Let's travel to somewhere with an ocean view, I wanted to tell her. Maybe sail or just swim. I wanted to ask her to marry me. I swear I wanted to. But I was just tired. I couldn't carry her or take her out. I can't travel around the world with her or even sail. I can't marry her now, although there isn't a thing that I want more. I am so tired. Physically. My body's failing.
"I think I need some food," I said with a shrug.
She smiled at me with the warmest smile ever.
"Let me cook you something nice."