Unfinished stories

Another gross south par thing (TW suicide)

My whole life is a big lie.

Everything I do is based off of other people's opinions. I hate it so much.

My whole life is so based off of what other people think to the point that I don't even know what I actually like anymore.

I dyed my hair black because I was scared that people would suddenly avoid me for being ginger. And while I never really cared about my outward appearance, it had been something unique to me and I had just up and gotten rid of it because of other people's opinions.

And what about Tweek?

I love Tweek. I'll miss him so much. Hey, maybe we'll even see each other in the end?

Our relationship had started entirely because of other people. We had played along, hoping to stage a break up, which inevitably failed because Tweek had made me look like a horrible guy. Really, he just wanted a relationship with me but wouldn't admit to it. Tweek really is amazing. He's just so perfect for me. He's definitely much better at communicating his inner feelings that he didn't dare tell anyone else than me. Tweek is just good at expressing himself in general.

But all that had happened because of other people causing it, and I hate it. It makes me feel like I'm not even me anymore.

Even my 'favorite' color is based off of something that happened in literal second grade.

I had been in a group, talking about stupid things that only second graders could be so dramatic about.

"I like blue!" The subject had been on favorite colors.

I like purple. Purple is my genuine favorite. Blue was the most popular favorite, though.

"I-I like blue, too!" I had said it without even thinking. And ever since, I have said blue is my favorite. I think this may have even been the start of my stupid habit.

I hate myself so much because of these things. I have no idea who Craig Tucker even is anymore. I've become such an absolute fake.

The only thing I could do to cut out the emptiness was to fill it with pain. To override my brain with nothing but pain so I couldn't think at all. I almost seem to have an obsession with watching the blade dig into my skin, the red that bubbles out slowly, and the growing sting.

I have been questioned about my sometimes obvious depression, mom had probably seen my cuts before, she had even questioned me about it before.

"Wow- where'd you get that cut from, sweetie." I thought it was ironic she called me pet names even in situations like this.

"Oh, I was messing around with some friends in the woods. I tripped and scratched myself pretty bad." I came up with the story on the spot, and she gave me a concerned look but it faded and was replaced with fake understanding. She had no idea what to do.

I hope that my mom will keep calling me pet names like that. It makes me remember back to when I had been just a little more carefree, had been a little kid with little to no cares in the world.

I don't even care about much about a lot anymore. I simply do what I think is the bare minimum. Eat the smallest possible amount, cut out the pain, embarrass myself at school, try to make myself good enough for Tweek, sleep and have nightmares.

Once upon a time, I had goals. But not anymore.

My only goal is to leave this hellhole as soon as I possibly can.

I'm going to miss the people who I genuinely cared a lot about. Tweek, mom, dad, Tricia. I love you all. You were so kind to me, even when I didn't deserve it.

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Craig had finished it.

The note.

He had made it detailed, and wanted people to know his exact reasoning.

He had decided to go out the easiest way possible- overdose.

He took off his jacket and chullo, folding both neatly and placed them on the desk, the note on top.

He slipped off his shoes and took a deep breath.

He had no trouble with the cap, opening it quickly and gulping the pasty pills down as quickly as he could. His mind raced, his eyes were pouring. His heart was beating out of his chest. He felt dizzy, and flopped onto his side. He had a pounding headache that had only started in a few minutes.

As the door swung open, Craig passed out.

Tweek rushed him to the hospital, but it was too late.

Within an hour, his beloved boyfriend was gone.

Tweek didn't really know what to do. Of course he cried, but he didn't really know what else to do, how else to respond.

He was like a stone, he barely twitched anymore. He didn't even find himself able to drink coffee of all things. On a number of days, he didn't go to school. And if he did, he normally broke down crying in the bathrooms, or even just at his desk.

There was a memorial ceremony held in honor of Craig's untimely death. Tweek couldn't believe some people's reactions. People who'd never even met Craig were crying and freaking out. Why? They didn't know him. What made him so special to them?

He was glad that people like Token, Craig's best friend, at least had the same opinion. They were all pretty mad at the people faking it.

People pitied Tweek, often patting him on the head or bringing him gifts. The gifts were all things he didn't need. Flowers, chocolate, coffee. What was he going to even do with them? He didn't have an appetite, and even the scent of the flowers was putrid without Craig there to smell them with him.

He was bored without Craig, too. He had no idea what to do with his life. He didn't even want to do anything with it anymore, if he was being honest.

Craig had been the one keeping him calm, had been his crutch. But now the crutch was gone and he was stumbling blindly.

At night, he took walks outside. No one ever really drove along the road at night, so he was free to just walk and thing. On the chance a car did drive by, he often had to talk himself out of jumping in front of it.

He really wanted to though. It would be so much simpler than living through another day of tears and nothing else.

One night, he was simply walking. Down the road, a large truck was rolling along, probably delivering something.

His sanity had at last run out, and he laid down right in the middle of that road. He took several deep breaths, and at last it came.

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"Students, we will be holding another assembly to honor another friend of ours who recently passed away. Tweek Tweak was a great member of our community, always speaking his heart until the very end. He was so depressed after Craig's death, and if we could have gotten help we definitely would have. We will have more time to talk and mourn during the assembly."

No one knew how to react.

Two of their close friends had just died.

It was silent in the classrooms, and everyone avoided eye contact. They were all crying.

Silence

No one had any idea what to do.