I'm an idiot || Soukoku [complete]

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haha, not me starting another story on wattpad when I'm literally going through mid-terms that will decide half of my future... please don't let this go to waste lol I'm really feeling confident about this story- author

WARNING: THERE WILL BE A LOT OF MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, BLOOD AND OTHER TRIGGERING TOPICS. KEEPT THAT IN MIND IF YOU CONTINUE READING.
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Chuuya's pov

The second I heard that Oda is dead, one thought rushed through my head.

Dazai.

- Boss!- I shouted after loudly banging the doors of Mori's office. Nobody was allowed to barge in like that, but this wasn't the moment that I would care about it.

- Chuuya? What brings you here?- Mori raised his eyebrows in surprise and met my terrified eyes.- oh, I see...

- What happened to Dazai?- I asked when I finally got to breathe normally.

- i just got a call from him,- Mori lowered his head.- he's not coming back.

Milions of thoughts suddenly hit me, my knees felt weak. why, why am I reacting like this? why am I so scared?!

- Chuuya? are you alright?- Mori stood up from his chair, confused by my slight shaking.- you know, I will assign you a new partner soon.

- it's fine,- I tried my best to let words out of my mouth.- in fact, I'm very good!

For some reason, I suddenly couldn't stop smiling. I raised my head and stared at Mori, while grinning like a psychopath. I could feel my eyes water, but I just smiled.

- you know what? this is a celebration!- I chuckled, and a single teardrop fell in my mouth, I felt the salty liquid burn on my scratched lip, that I couldn't stop picking.- yes, that's right! I'm going to open the best wine and drink till I can't walk! he's finally gone, that idiot! I always hated him and he's gone!

I laughed and closed my eyes for a moment. what is happening? why is my mind split into two different sides, why am I laughing, with tears falling down my face? how should I even feel about this?!

- oh? Well, that's good for you, Chuuya,- Mori sighed and sat back down, at first he thought something was wrong with me.- In fact, that's good to have some celebration to lift everyone's mood, we just lost a great executive after all.

- y-yes, I'll invite everybody,- I nodded, but my voice broke.

- Very good, Chuuya, now do you mind leaving me alone, I have to re-do my plans, since Dazai can't be in it anymore,- Mori creepily smiled and shoved me away with a hand gesture.

I just nodded again, and ran out, I didn't want to invite anyone, I just wanted to drink till I can't think anymore, but now I don't have a choice.

I slowly walked through the dark port mafia's halls, sinking into my head.

Oda was a good Dazai's friend. when we were on a mission, he wouldn't stop talking about him. Oda this, Oda that... no end. it seemed like Dazai really looked up to him, despite their morals being completely opposite.

For the past months, I didn't spend a lot of time with that idiot, after missions he would always go to his bar and talk to his real friends, Oda or Ango. I was always just there, someone he could annoy during our work. to be honest, we were never even friends. but, well, I guess I expected him to atleast say goodbye...

- oh, hi, Chuuya!- someone greeted me, but I didn't even notice them walking up to me.

- huh? oh, it's you, Higuchi,- I sighed  at that blonde woman, but suddenly I saw an opportunity, that would free me off an order.- wait, Higuchi, i would like to ask you something.