Chapter 18

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The next week Sean did a vlog with me once my bandages can be taken off and his black eye faded away. And not only the injuries, but I returned to my breakdowns again and Sean slowed that down.

"Don't worry, it's simple," Sean reassured after he set the camera in place. "Just be yourself. Don't think about the camera too much."

"But what if they-"

"Don't worry about it." He pats my back. His childish smile calmed me down a little. "Okay. 3, 2, 1."

The moment he pressed play on his camera, my heart pounded like crazy.

"Wha-push! Top of the mornin' to ya laddies. My name is JackSepticEye and welcome to another vlog, this time I'm joined by the wonderful and beautiful Autumn. Say hi."

I blushed. "Hi," My voice cracked.

We both laughed. I shrank a little, thinking about the stern faces judging my awkwardness:

"We're off to a great start!" Sean shook his head, smirking. "Okay, so we're doing the Bean Boozled Challenge today since Autumn picked these up... somewhere. And you guys wanted to see her after months of waiting. So here she is!"

I smiled. "Sorry if I ruin any image you have in your head of me, but here I am! So I'll explain how this works."

Sean nodded.

"So there's two beans that look the same, but one of them is a tasty flavour and the other is a disgusting flavour. For example..." I hold up the back of the tray, showing the flavours. "Juicy Pear and Booger look the same, but of course they taste different. Whoever loses at the game has to spin this spinner, which doesn't spin much as you can see. And whatever colour you land on, you have to find that jelly bean in the tray and eat it."

"That was a mouthful." Sean giggled.

"You'll get a mouthful of my fist." I teased.

He pouts at the camera. I hope that looked good...

"Okay so we're also going to play The Impossible Game. And whoever dies has to eat a jelly bean." Sean rested his hands against his keyboard. "I'll go first."

*****

In the end, Sean got most of the rotten jelly beans while I had the sweet, delicious ones. After recovering from the horrible aftertaste, he started his outro.

"If you liked it, punch the like button in the face LIKE A BOSS! And, high fives all around!" Sean chanted. He high-fived me and he slammed his hand towards the space on the other side of him. "Wha-push! And I'll see all you dudes in the next video!"

The moment he turned his camera off, my heart sank. I'm imagining myself acting stupid. I probably sounded like a 5 year old since in videos my voice is a high-pitch. Now I really regret making a video with Sean. I closed my eyes, thinking about the comments-

"Hey, you didn't do so bad." Sean complimented.

"I embarrass myself a lot." I quickly sighed.

"Carry on with an attitude like that and you won't get anywhere."

"I didn't have an attitude." I confessed.

"Autumn..." He crosses his arms.

"Sean, look at me. It looks as if I didn't shower for weeks and-"

"Stop doubting yourself."

"Let me finish," I retorted. "...and everyone knows I'm just a mess. A monster. A-"

"This again?" Sean stood up. "No one wants to listen to your doubtfulness."

"The camera makes me dizzy. It makes me sick. The thought of having a million people watch you contently? That's fucking frightening to me." Tears build up in my eyes. "I regret it."

"Let's just see how it turns out." Sean sat at the edge of his bed. "It's not that bad."

I only responded with a grunt. He took it as an answer and left the room.

My eyes darted back, hoping he'd return with a smile. Was I too harsh? Do I complain a lot? It would explain why he left.

I followed after him. "I'm sorry. All this pressure of pregnancy and the camera... it makes me bitter. Being the person I am... look, I'm..." Why can't I put it into words? "I-"

"I know." Sean spun around and hugged me tightly. "If you don't want it up, I'm okay with that."

"It's just... I need some time alone." Great going Autumn.

Sean nodded and planted a kiss on my forehead before he headed off to his computer.

I trekked to the bathroom. I splashed water on my face and glimpsed at my reflection. What are they going to say about my belly? I'm imagining the comments now... the tweets, the tumblr posts, the Facebook discussions. It made my stomach turn.

At that moment I felt a kick from my belly. Kicking? The baby's kicking...! Once I was able to get myself together I stumbled out of the bathroom and raced to Sean.

"Sean! Sean!" I boomed excitedly. "The baby's kicking!"

"What?" I heard him call.

I followed the voice into our bedroom. I tackled him onto the bed. "The baby's kicking! I can feel it!" I whispered to him.

"Are you serious?" I allowed him to rub his hand along my belly. I nodded as he grinned at another kick coming from the womb. "Autumn..."

I wrapped my arms around him, embracing his warmness. I wish I could run outside and scream it proudly to the world. But there's really no one to tell other than Sean. It saddened me a little til I felt yet another kick.

"Does it hurt?" Sean wondered.

"No, not really." I shook my head. I laid under the covers and rested my arms on my belly. "I can't believe it! I thought it would never happen!"

Sean snatched his headphones and his phone. "I want to try something." He placed his headphones on my belly and he played classical music.

"Sean, what are you doing?" I chuckled.

"Testing something. The baby would calm down with quiet and calm music, and it would get wild up with loud and crazy music. My parents told me I did it as a baby."

As Sean predicted, the baby stopped kicking.

"You're right." I smile at him.

He engulfs my hand with his. "I wish I could cuddle with you forever, but I have work to do."

"Right. But I have company with me." I grinned.

Sean folded my shirt up and smooched my belly with his soft pink lips. "I'll crawl in with you later."

As excited as I was, I couldn't help but drift off to sleep in the warm embrace of the blankets.

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Hey there! Sorry for the huge delay, I was sick for a whole week and missed a few days of school. So when I was able to come back to school I had a lot to catch up to. Again, sorry for the wait. I apologize if the chapter seemed rushed (it was), I didn't have much ideas and i didn't want to anger you guys anymore.

Enjoy reading with whatever I have! :p

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