Cloudy Souls (A JackSepticEye Fanfiction)

Chapter 8

I woke up to see a fresh rose bathing in a vase of water, along with a folded note and a box of chocolates beside it.

I rubbed my eyes and opened the note, reading what was in black pen.

Hey,

That little kiss on the cheek really meant a lot to me. I needed that. So... if you're reading this, I'll be out walking or recording. So sorry if I don't have the time to say this... but I was wondering if you'd like to... become more than just friends? It's okay if I hear a no- take your time, there's no pressure. I know that you like me, and you probably know I like you, and I understand if you're not ready yet. It's your choice if you want to be introduced to my subscribers on Youtube.

I hope you like flowers... and chocolate, hee hee! :)
Sean <3

I blinked. At first, I couldn't believe my eyes. How should I respond to Sean? It's awkward, and I want to say yes. Maybe I should just wait until he's returned from his walk. I don't hear him yelling his ass off. It's 10 in the morning and he does his editing around noon or later.

Over the next hour, I had been plotting about what to say to Sean. Should I just say yes? Am I ready for the judgement on Youtube? I gotten so stressed out until a heard a jingle of keys at the door.

My heart's thumping goes out of control, but I manage to hear the door knob twist open and the door creak. Sean enters, smiling at me. "Hi."

I try to smile back, but I don't know what's stopping me. He grabs my shaking hands and looks me through the eye. "Don't be nervous."

I gulped and nodded. "I've been thinking about it-" my voice cracks and Sean giggles. I laugh along too.

"And?"

"I'm still not sure..." I trail off. I fiddled with my fingers nervously.

"That's fine." He takes his hat and puts it on my head. "I've wanted to do that... You look adorable!" He laughs.

I roll my eyes and throw the hat at him. "Oh you."

He giggles and speedily walks to his recording room, leaving me to think about the memories with him. My mind catches onto one memory; the cutting.

I rolled up my sleeve, observing my scar. It doesn't look right. It looks uneven. Maybe a little cut wouldn't harm anyone... besides, the damn cut burns anyway. It'll probably hurt tomorrow, but it won't hurt today. I trotted to the kitchen, and silently slid the drawer open. Sean must've forgot to hid his knives for whenever I came over. My sweaty hands clutched the knife and I groggily trotted to the bathroom.

I look at myself in the mirror. I needed a shower; my hair is greasy and my skin is dry. Sighing, I unravel my bandages and throw them away. My sweatshirt is black... so maybe the blood won't be seen through. It's time to get this over with.

I cut carefully, making the scar look perfect as possible.

I stop midway. What the hell is wrong with me?

"Autumn?" I heard Sean call.

"I'm in the bathroom," I reply. I wipe the sweat off my forehead and swipe toilet paper, wiping the blood from the knife and the sink.

"Alright," I hear the closing of a door and I breathe in relief.

I cut a bit more and put down the knife. I messed up. The cut's uneven.

I put my aching hands to my face, trying to stop the tears. Why can't I stop? I can't stop...

I snatch the toilet paper and dab my cuts, eventually stuffing a few inside my sleeve. I roll down my sleeve.

Everything aches but my arm. My eyes burn from my crying, and my throat swallows back a painful lump. I slide the knife in the inside of my pants and I cover the handle with my sweatshirt. I open the door and travel to the kitchen.

Shit, the drawer was open. Thankfully Sean didn't notice... I close it and put the knife in the sink.

I sat down on the couch, wishing the aching could stop.

Sean comes in, grabbing the box of chocolates. "Don't you love chocolate? You haven't dug into them yet."

"I just don't feel like them right now..." I said with a strained voice.

He looks at me with a look of concern. I blush a little. His cloudy blue eyes looked so cute. "Autumn?"

I sniffle. I tried to hold my emotions in.

"Autumn." He says again.

I burst out. What is he going to think?

"Please tell me," he pats my back.

"...No. I don't want to be in a relationship with you. I'll just make things more complicating." Anger and sadness boil in me. "I'm sorry."

"That's not true. You make everything easy. Whenever I'm stressed about something, I think of you. Whenever I look at your hazel eyes and your freckles, butterflies flutter in my stomach. Whenever you smile, you lift my spirits. You're perfect."

He's wrong. I pull up my sleeve. "Perfect?"

His look of disappointment shatters me heart into pieces. I disappoint everyone.

He gently rubs my scar. "Yes."

The coolness of his hand against my skin calms me down, but doesn't stop me from snapping. "Why do you want to be with someone that can't keep their promises? Someone that harms themselves? Someone that's just a freak? If I can't take care of myself, how can I take care of other people?"

The next thing I remember is that I felt the pressing of his lips against mine. I don't resist. Instead, I press back. My heart stops, and my stomach drops. I don't want to let go of this moment. I never want to let go of this moment.