The Dividing Line: ABSOLUTION #COMPLETED (Book 3)

19 ѱ THE REAPING (BWWM)

(Tuesday, July 23, 2019 - 11:34 am)

REFLECTION

It never occurred to me that the reason my life was so empty and void of real love was because of the hate-induced rage consuming everything that made me who I was.

     When my mother passed away, I never really believed anyone cared about me. Yes, my uncle showed me his way of life and what he considered was the right way to become a man. But, even though he was physically there for me, he had emotionally and psychologically checked out long before I even thought of it.

     After reading the letters that were left for me, I came to understand that he was simply hiding within the world he knew. He loved his family, and he cared deeply for the members of the Brotherhood, but his heart was somewhere else. Nevertheless, Cole resolved to accept the hand that life had dealt him and not lose any sleep over something he would never be able to change.

     It wasn't until his life was nearly over that he could reconcile his feelings in a meaningful way.

     Jedidiah saw Regina one last time before he died. After that, he planned to leave his evil lifestyle behind and make up for all that he had done wrong in his life. I always found it strange that he broke up with Peggy Gerling. They seemed to be getting close, and then one day, up out of the blue, he told her it was over. Others before her tried everything in their power to get him to settle down with them, but his uncle just used them.

     When I asked him about the stories I'd overheard, he gave me one of those looks that said he would knock the shit out of me if I brought anything like that to him again.

     To sit down and read Jedidiah's handwriting and learn that the story was true knocked the wind out of me. Not only had his uncle lied by omitting what he'd done, but he never told anyone that a child came out of his liaison. I still don't know what to think or how to feel. I'm not upset with my uncle. How would I ever justify being angry with him when I have what he wanted his entire life? Instead, I found someone I love more than I love myself, and she returned that same love to me.

     We share the most indescribable passion for one another, but there is so much more to my friendship with Angel than just sex. She has always spent every waking moment of every day making sure all is well in my world. That measure of devotion and loyalty cannot be diminished.

     As I sat in the office with several attorneys and more law enforcement officers than I'm comfortable being around, I feel like the stupidest ass in the world. I believed I could hide from all the shit I've done in my lifetime. I started praying regularly when I met Angel, and I convinced myself that all I needed to do was pray for us to be happy and avoid what I deserved.

     Because of the selfish way I lived and the hateful shit I taught others, what will I do if they can't find her?

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(Tuesday, July 23, 2019, 3:33 pm)

COLE

Karma. As his mind wandered away from the discussion, all he heard in every beat of his heart or breath he took was KARMA. Whatever you put out in the world will come back to you multiplied, or at least he believed that was what the word meant.

     When he was still locked up, a black guy told him that all the stuff he was doing would come back to him one day. "Mark my words, honky... you will reap what you sew one day, and I promise you will be crying like a little bitch when everything you've done to everybody else comes back to you." Recalling that warning after so long felt like someone drove a stake through his heart because he could almost see the man's face snickering at him as if he had already peeked into his future to view this day.