Awake - Book One of the Spinner's Curse

Chapter Two: Choices

                           Chapter Two:

                                Choices

　

　

　

           When I finally awoke, it was dark out. My room was a jumble of shadows. I sat upright, my mind trying to remember the events of that day. When I did, I wanted to bury my head into my pillows again and weep. Everything about my life, everything I had ever known about myself, had been a lie. I would never be Queen, would never rule, or marry, or have children. I was going to die. I was going to die in less than three years. This couldn't be happening.

           There hadn't been any fairies in Elmeira since… my birth. All fairies had left our kingdom thirteen years ago, taking all the spinning wheels with them. Occasionally, I would hear a servant talking about how hard life was outside the castle without them. All because of me, all in an attempt to save me. But, based on his speech today, Father no longer believed I could be saved. He couldn't make himself believe I would survive this curse, despite his ban on spinning wheels. I didn't even know what one looked like, the thing that would one day bring about my death. Not one day, soon, before my sixteenth birthday.

           What if I found one of these things and learned what it looked like? I would know not to touch one and therefore I wouldn't have to die… But what if that was exactly how the curse was supposed to come about? It said I would die before I turned sixteen, but it didn't specify how long before my birthday it would happen. So, as far as anyone knew, if I ever came in contact with one, it would be the end of me. But then again, I needed to know what one looked like, just in case.

             I threw off the covers and ran to my wardrobe. Tucked into the back corner was a stash of candles, from the days when Mother would send me to bed as soon as the sun went down. I went to the hearth. I knew Addy had an extra set of matches hidden somewhere in case she forgot hers. I slid my hand along the mantle until I felt them. I wondered if I should light them there or wait until I got to the library. Some instinct told me to wait. It was easier to get caught if you could be seen coming from far away.

           I crept from my room and silently made my way toward the study wing of the palace. I had often walked through the castle at night, but somehow this felt different; forbidden. Always before, I would be going to the kitchen for a snack, or to Rosa's room because of a bad dream, but now, it was as if all of that no longer belonged to me. I felt like an imposter, a changeling that had been discovered and only remained because no one could figure out how to rid themselves of it.

           As I passed my siblings’ rooms, I peeked in at them. Henry and William were sharing a bed, their arms so tangled I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other one began. I found Claudette's room empty, but soon discovered her hunkered in bed with Rosa. I was hurt that they all comforted each other after hearing of my impending death sentence, but none came to join me in my bed. It is as if I am dead already. I quickly banished the idea, but as I traveled the abandoned hallways I couldn’t help but allow it to slither in on the back of self-pity.

            The library was cold. I quickly shut the doors behind me and lit my candle. Its small halo of light illuminated a giant fireplace, two overstuffed chairs, and a side table. I held it higher, up toward the masses of shelves and books. Now came the hard part. How would I find a book about spinning wheels in all this? During the day, you could ask one of the scholars for help, but for some reason, I didn't want any of them to know about my research. I didn't think they would blame me—it was the smart thing to do—but I didn't want to have to look at their faces and see the pity I knew would come. It would ruin me.