Awake - Book One of the Spinner's Curse

Chapter Nineteen: Conviction

  

                                                      Chapter Nineteen:

                                                           Conviction

　

　

          When the sun finally decided it was time to rise, I’d made a decision. When they took me through the caves back to Elmeira, I would throw myself amid the spinning wheels. I would work my curse to my advantage. I would choose when I fell asleep.

           I smiled to myself as the men prepared themselves for the journey, ignoring their pointed jokes. Eye-Patch refused to let any of the others touch me and for that, I was thankful. He untied my legs and, relieved, I stretched them. My joints popped with the movement. I was excited, almost giddy now that I'd made the decision to prick my own finger.

           When Eye-Patch pulled me to my feet, I didn't resist. I tried to keep my face calm so they wouldn't suspect me. I forced myself into thinking about Lock so tears would remain in my eyes. I didn't want them to know I was already plotting my escape.

           I avoided all thoughts pertaining to Ben, to Spark, or even to Jack. I didn't allow myself to wonder what happened to them. I knew that if I did, I would lose my courage, and with it, my only chance at avoiding the Pig-man's cell. In my head, I wished them a mental goodbye. I hoped Ben would forgive me for this choice, that he would meet someone new, someone who could tell him they loved and accepted him. I refused to think of Jack and Spark. I would never get to thank them for all they had done for me. I would never get to tell them it had all been for nothing.

           Eye-Patch took my arm in his iron clasp. He pulled me along beside him. My arms were still tied behind my back, throwing me off balance. I was careful not to lean on him. I wondered how I would manage it. How I would be able to escape his watchful eye long enough to prick my finger. Within my mind, I plotted, preparing myself for my upcoming choice.

           I didn't look to see where we were going. I didn't need to. Everything in the forest looked the same to me. The colors seemed to bleed into one another. Bright greens of freshly bloomed leaves blended with the pink and white blossoms of spring flowers. I turned away from the happy flowers dipping into my path and allowed them to be crushed under my boot. My mind wandered, trying to predict what would change in a hundred years. Would this forest still be here or would generations of farmers cut it back until it was merely fields prepared for harvest?

           I puzzled over this until I realized we were walking out of the heavy woods, but instead of meeting up with the flat smooth face of a cliff, we were now walking on a rough dirt road. I jerked to attention. What happened to the caves? Why weren't we walking past the heaps of spinning wheels? What happened to my plan of escape? Then I remembered what Jack said about the caves, about how it was only the desperate and the poor that ventured through them, that it was folly to go that route.

           Hot, fat tears rolled freely down my cheeks at this knowledge. I wouldn't be able to prick my finger on a spinning wheel. They wouldn’t take me close enough. I collapsed against Eye-Patch, for the first time letting him carry my weight. He didn't seem surprised by my reaction. Instead, he motioned for one of the others to untie me, taking my weakness as a sign of defeat.