Awake - Book One of the Spinner's Curse

Chapter Twenty-One: Friendship and Forgiveness

Chapter Twenty-One:
Friendship and Forgiveness

Phillip is on the other side of the arch. He paces back and forth, the movements casting shadows along the walls of the small room. Ryler clears his throat and Phillip stops. He turns to look at us. His eyes meet Ryler’s for a moment before they slide to mine. Panic builds inside me as he watches me and all I can think to do is flee. In the light of the fire, the bruises covering my left side are more prominent. The fire’s glow dances along my skin, highlighting every fleck of dirt, “Rory?” His voice is hopeful, unbelieving.

Ryler’s palm finds the small of my back and he presses me forward. “Phillip,” I choke out my response around the tears pooling in my eyes and clogging my throat. My voice comes out tortured. I bite my lip as embarrassment floods my cheeks. Now that I’ve read Winston’s letter, now that I’ve chosen to come with Phillip, I'm ashamed.

I put myself in this place of torment, all while I could have been spending time with him. I don’t want to be the girl with the broken past and the uncertain future. I want to be the girl Phillip knew growing up; the one who knew how to laugh and play; the one who knows what it’s like to run in the sunshine and feel nothing but bliss. I want to be the girl he could have rescued.

He strides forward and folds his arms around me, hugging me tight. “Rory,” he repeats my name over and over, as if he can’t believe his luck. His arms press painfully against my sore ribs but I smother the cry rising in my throat. He pulls away and his eyes search mine. “I’ve missed you.” Without waiting for a response, he kisses me.

There is so much emotion in this one kiss. I can feel all the pain I’ve caused him, all the hurt my actions ensued. It is great and heaving and unbearable. It flows out, a steady stream that breaks my heart. He pulls me tighter, almost hungrily. His lips press harder against mine but there is no heat. He isn’t Ben. His hands reach up to stoke my cheeks. His fingers scrape the bruises covering half my face and I gasp at the pain. He doesn’t stop and suddenly it is too much for me.

I push my hands against his chest but he ignores me. I push harder. It’s too much too soon. It’s impossible to breathe and with a violent shove, I thrust him away. The instant I do it I can tell I’ve hurt him. The moment his body separates from mine, I regret my actions. I reach for his hand but find only empty space. He turns from me and stares into the fire flickering within its grate.

All I want to do is go back to my cell and hide. This was a mistake. I haven’t been fully released and I’ve already managed to mess everything up. I reach a hand up to touch Phillip, to say I still care for him, but Ryler takes my wrist. Ever so slightly, he shakes his head.

He pulls me back until I'm standing a little behind him. His body is a shield from Phillip’s pain. “Phillip,” Ryler’s voice is deep and authoritative. “Let’s go. I’ve had enough of this place, and I’m sure Rory has too.” Phillip’s back stiffens and I think he’s going to turn on Ryler, that he’s going to punish him for speaking out of turn. Instead, his shoulders slump and he looks away from the fire, but his eyes seem to skim right over us.

“You’re right,” he smiles but it fails to meet his eyes. My heart swirls with guilt. He turns to me again, and suddenly the space between us feels thick and formal. “Princess?” He offers me an arm. I look down at it, momentarily forgetting what I'm supposed to do. He waits for a moment before allowing it to drop, a small frown creasing his forehead. Still frowning, he leads the way through another archway and down a hall.

Two guards stand before a pair of double doors set into the heavy stone. My memories of these doors come into sharp relief and my heart beats sharply with stabs of fear. Beyond these doors, I’ll be vulnerable. Anything can happen once I step outside them. For so long I’ve told myself this is where I’m safe. I take a deep breath and wipe my sweaty palms on my filthy dress.