tainted transparency || a harry potter story

Chapter Ten: You and Me

I landed the broom I had snatched and put it away with the other spare brooms. I had just skipped at least two classes to take a flight around the landscape surrounding Hogwarts.

It's nearly dark now and I knew I had to get back to the school. To classes. To the life I just tried to escape. The flight didn't do much to make me feel better. Adrenaline rushes only last so long before reality slaps you in the face again.

I miss Harry, I know I do. And I want to fix things because I love him. And the longer we're like this, torn apart, the more pain the both of us are going through. And knowing he's in pain hurts me more.

Because he's my whole world. And knowing he's in pain- because of me- is killing me from the inside out.

God I feel like such an idiot. Such an idiot. Why did I have to get drunk? Why am I such a lightweight? Why did I make out with Seamus? And why the hell did I argue with Harry earlier? I only made things worse.

But when I entered the school and walked towards the Gryffindor common room, I saw Hermione nervously walking through the halls. When she saw me she huffed in relief and ran up to me.

"Hazel! I was so worried! Harry told me you two fought. I was so scared you'd left. Neville and I have been looking all over for you. He said you told him you wanted to drop out of Hogwarts earlier and I feared the worst."

"I'm alright, Mione," I hugged her back, then pulled back. "Harry told you about the fight?"

"Well. He told Ron. I just... overheard. I didn't mean to," She said. "I told Neville what happened and we've been scanning the school all evening. It's dinner time."

I heard the Great Hall humming with activity down the hallway. I knew that dinner must have started already and that everyone was likely in there.

"Hazel!" Neville called out from behind me. I turned around and saw my brother's face drenched in relief. "Thank god, you're safe."

"I'm okay, Nev. just took a very necessary precaution. You two should thank me really. I was a wreck. I didn't want to hurt anyone, so I left to burn off some... tension."

"Well, I'm just glad you're safe," He huffed in relief. "I'm sorry you and Harry fought. That... probably didn't feel too good."

"It didn't. But I'm not going to stop bugging him until we can talk about this. Because I miss him. A lot. I just want him to let me explain myself. Explain that I don't have feelings for Seamus. That I love him and only him."

"But, Harry being Harry," Hermione started, then we said in unison. "He's stubborn."

"Yeah," I rubbed my face tiredly. "Okay. Come on, then."

The two of them followed into the Great Hall. Neville found his friends while I sat next to Harry. Right next to him, where I usually do. Hermione sat next to Ron. Who looked rather giddy for some reason.

"I'm sorry for arguing with you earlier, Harry," I said. "It didn't make any difference. And I probably just made this worse. I just wanted to make sure I apologized."

Harry nodded. Just nodded.

Ron scoffed a little. "Honestly, mate. You're being too hard on her. Just talk to her."

Hermione was a bit shocked, but joined in agreeing with Ron. "I agree. You two love each other. Neither of you deserve this treatment."

Harry sighed and set his fork down, then stood up. "Alright. Yeah."

I stood up too. And followed after Harry as he led me up to our spot. The infamous astronomy tower. Though with what previously happened here... my stomach is feeling ill.

We stood in silence for a while. Before he spoke up.

"Why'd you do it?"

"I was drunk," I told him. "I didn't know what I was doing."

"You were drunk?"

"Yes..." I answered slowly. "Did you... not know that?"

"No," He muttered. "You're not usually one to pick up a drink."

"I was feeling impulsive apparently," I scoffed. "But... that means you seriously thought that the second I was away from you, I cheated?"

"I didn't know what to think, Hazel," Harry rubbed his forehead. "I just heard you and Seamus had... hooked up. My head was spinning, I wasn't thinking straight."

"Neither was I," I told him. "Harry, I woke up this morning and my heart broke when I realized what I'd done. I hated myself."

"Hazel you know how I feel about you," He turned to me, speaking firmly. Though his voice was unsteady. "I've always been... suspicious around you and other guys but this... this was my breaking point. This was the last straw for me. You- you cheated on me."

"Not knowingly!" I frowned. "Harry, please. I love you. I love you so much and I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know," He sighed a shaking breath. "I'm sorry I didn't let you explain yourself. I was trying to figure it all out in my head. I was trying to figure out why you'd pick Seamus over me."

"Harry, he's just a friend. Just a friend, I promise," God, I wanted to take his hand. I wanted to hug him. To hold him. I wanted to do something. "I love you so much. I do."

He suddenly grabbed my waist and closed the gap between us. His lips attached to mine in a desperate and needy kiss. Both of his arms wrapped around my waist tightly and we pulled away from the kiss, but not each other.

Our foreheads pressed together.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." I whispered to him softly. "I'm so sorry..."

"Hey," He whispered back. "Stop."

"I hurt you. I really hurt you," I shook my head. "I hurt you and it broke me."

"I'm okay. I've got you back now," He kissed me again. "It's you and me again. Just you and me."

I hugged his neck, just desperate to hold him. To have him close again.

"I love you so much, Harry."

"I love you too, Hazel," He sighed deeply in relief. "It's okay now. Everything's okay, love."

We stayed there holding each other for a while. A long while. But eventually we realized that we had to get back before dinner ended. Neither of us had eaten.

"Come on," He took my hand. "Let's go back. I want everyone to see us together again. I want everyone to see that everything's back to normal."

"Okay," I linked my fingers into his as he led me back down the stairs and through the halls to the Great Hall. the second we entered the giant room, Hermione and Ron both gave us big smiles.

"Oh, good," Hermione huffed, a hand pressed to her chest. "I was so worried."

"She's still stuck with me," Harry smiled when we sat down together. "Can't get rid of me that easy."

"Like I'd want to," I scoffed. "Stuck with you. You're crazy, Harry."

"I'm well aware," He kissed my cheek. "Also. I had a question for you."

"Mhm?" I took a bite of the mashed potatoes on my plate.

"Slughorn is having a Christmas party and I wanted to know if you'd like to be my date? I know formal isn't your thing, but it's going to be a lot more relaxed than the supper party."

I nearly choked on my potatoes. "Harry, that sounds wonderful. Any excuse to see you dressed up and handsome is one I'll take."

"Oh, bloody hell," Ron facepalmed. "You two go from being at each other's throats to sickening compliments."

"Hey, hush," Hermione nudged Ron. "They're back together and everything's alright again. I think it's cute."