Facing Love

Chapter 8

"You fucking asshole!" It took everything in me to not smack him across the face. Derek didn't seem angry like I thought. Instead he looked hurt, which made me feel even worse. "Derek, please let me explain, I didn-"

"She wouldn't." I couldn't read the expression on Derek's face. He wasn't looking at me, but I don't blame him. I wanted to run away- from all of them. If I did, they wouldn't notice. They were acting as if I wasn't there which made me feel belittled, a feeling I have grown up to hate.

Andy kept pushing and pushing. He pulled out his phone and showed Derek his recent calls. "Explain this shit Sherlock." Derek handed back his phone and started walking away. I called after him, but nothing. "Look Jamie, you hurt the little boy's feelings." I felt tears forcing their way out of my eyes as I forced my eyes shut. Tears of anger, I'd like to think, but tears of regret and pain would be more accurate.

"I didn't fucking sleep with you and you know it! Stop this bullshit act of yours. You only did this to humiliate me and I won't allow it. Your face is still red, bet you didn't tell your boys that I smacked the shit out of you when you tried to force me to have sex with you." I walked away trying to hold back the tears before turning to face Andy again. "By the way, Victor was better in bed than you ever were." His face dropped as guys were laughing at what just happened.

I ran to Derek's car calling after him but he was nowhere in sight. I walked around the whole plaza a few times before sitting down and calling him. Derek turned off his phone and my frustration deepened. I was ready to give up and call my dad to come pick me up when Derek appeared in front of me. My tears streamed down my face as I looked up to him. "Derek, oh my God, please let me explain. Please, I'm so so so sorry."

"You had.. sex with him?"

"No, I didn't! You have to believe me, I didn't have sex with him." I reached out for his hands, but he quickly put his hands in his pockets, making more tears slip out.

"You called him, why would you call him?" By the tone of his voice, I could tell he was really hurt, and it was all because of me. I begged him to sit down and listen but he refused to do as I said. I guess he was waiting for me to admit that I had sex with Andy so he could leave, but he was waiting for something that didn't happen.

"Please, pleaseeeee believe me. I promise you that we didn't have sex. I guess I called him out of habit. I-"

"You guess? How do I know that you aren't lying to me right now?! If we hadn't bumped into Andy, would you have even told me??" This time his tone was serious. It caught me off guard and I didn't know how to respond.

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that I didn't have sex with that asshole?"

"Because.. you've..uh." Oh my God.. I knew exactly what he was thinking about.

"Why?! Because I sleep around?!? Because Andy was in the group of guys I fucked?! I fucking knew it!" This time I stood up and was pissed. I didn't think Derek would be the type to hold that against me. I knew my history would affect us somehow, I was just hoping it wouldn't. Derek was silent and I took that as a sign that I was right. "You're a dick. Here I was fucking crying and running around looking for you! To apologize for something I didn't even do. Yes I did call him, and when he got to my house, yes we were going to have sex. I stopped it because of you. I couldn't do it. He forced me to have sex with him & I pushed him off-"

"Jamie, I'm so sorr-"

"No I'm sorry. Sorry for believing that you might have been different. Sorry for leading you on, and sorry for wasting your time. I'm sorry for believing this thing could work." I couldn't help but cry this time. I hated this feeling so much, which only made me more angry. "And if this is what it feels like, I don't think I could do this. I never once had to explain myself to anyone. I never felt this guilty to almost have sex with someone. I've never felt so humiliated chasing a guy. I told you that I don't do relationships, and this is why." I didn't plan of tonight going this badly. It made me regret even agreeing to going out with Derek even though it was my fault that all of this happened. Somehow it turned around on Derek. "I'm sorry." I apologized for making this seem like it was his fault, but I guess he interpreted it to me ending whatever it was that we had. He looked up at me, his eyes as red as mine and the sudden urge to cry again hit me. I didn't mean to make him cry. If I could rewind to yesterday at chemistry class and stop him from being my partner, I would. Wow. Has it really only been one day. It feels like its been way more.

"Let's get you home, it's past 10." Derek stood up and walked ahead of me. Its crazy to think but I was really hoping that he'd reach for my hand. I trailed behind him, regretting everything I said to him. I wish I would have just apologized and end the night on a happy note. Instead, I'm here crying over a guy while he walks ahead of me, head down.

We got to Derek's car, and I was dreading the car ride home. I didn't want to face my dad. Ofcourse he would want to know what happened, but I wasn't up to reliving my first "date." One Direction filled the car as Derek pulled out of the parking spot. I smiled at the thought of Derek listening to them because of me, and the thought of us singing together. I turned the volume down, but loud enough so I could still hear. I laid my head against the window and closed my eyes, holding back tears I thought I couldn't have. The car ride was quick, lucky for me. I just wanted to get to bed. He parked in front of my house and I struggled for words as I was trying to say bye. "Thank you.. for tonight. I mean it." I reached for his hand and he twitched but quickly relaxed. I gave it a squeeze and got out of his car.