Facing Love

Chapter 12

"Here are your drinks, I'll be back with the rest of your order." Hot waiter guy, named as of now, left us again taking his sweet time with our order which was starting to irritate my empty stomach.

"So your dad was a struggling alcoholic and he used to.." I could see Derek struggle for words, "hurt you? God, Jamie, I'm so so sorry. I-"

"You don't have to say anything, Derek. It's a lot to take in and I'm really glad that I had the chance to vent it out." I could see Derek shift uneasy processing all that I had just told him. I didn't want him thinking any different about my dad and I.

"Have you ever talked to someone? What your dad did to you was wrong and traumatizing, I can't imagine what that must have been like for you."

We were briefly interrupted by hot waiter guy who, after what felt like hours, finally brought our food. My appetite was almost lost. I didn't think Derek would expand this conversation only making me regret saying anything. I wasn't as emotional as I thought I'd be talking about the worst years of my life. It was so easy talking to him. I watched him eat as I struggled to even pick up a fry.

"Its my fault, Derek. Everything that has happened to our family was because of me. My dad started drinking because of me. How could I make his life worse by turning him in? Not only that, I was terrified that he would.."

"You thought he would kill you."

"My dad was a very angry man and the alcohol only enhanced that. There were points that I actually wished he would. I didn't want to talk to anybody because I didn't want people to judge us. Everywhere I went, I felt as if the whole world already knew what was happening behind closed doors."

"Jamie, rape and child abuse are nothing to just let go. You need to talk to someone." Derek reached out for my hand and once again, I felt at ease.

"I know. But he stopped and got help. He's all that I have and I don't want to lose him. Now could we please not let this ruin our meal. Most of my appetite is already gone and I would really love to enjoy these chicken tenders before I lose it completely." I gave Derek a reassuring smile and thankfully he returned.

The rest of the evening was a nice break from reality. Derek and I avoided any serious conversation and walked five laps around the mall. Every now and then I would catch Derek staring at me, but not in the "wow she's beautiful" type. More like the "she needs help" kind of way.

Derek drove home because I was too tired to even keep my eyes open. I couldn't sleep thinking of what I was going to walk into reaching my house. Derek was right. My childhood was traumatizing and in the back of my head I was always scared of my dad.

We pulled up into Derek's driveway and I felt my heart race up. I didn't know what I was going to do after Derek got out of the car. Where would I go?

"Jamie, stay over tonight." I possibly couldn't have heard him right.

"Wh-what? No, I- can't."

"I know you don't want to go home, and honestly I don't want you going home either. I know you were trying to pass time at the mall just so you wouldn't have to go home."

"Derek, I can't. That's asking too much from you and I don't need your help. Besides, I don't have clothes with me and tomorrow we have school. Thank you bu-"

"I see that bag of clothes you have in the back of your seat. I have pajamas that you could borrow tonight. Really Jamie, its no problem for you to stay over."

I couldn't believe I was actually considering it. Derek has already done more than I would've imagined. Before I could answer him, Derek got out of the car motioned me to follow him.

"My parents are pretty old fashioned and are most likely asleep right now. My room is upstairs, second door you see. I'll meet you upstairs in a minute."

I had almost forgotten how beautifully decorated Derek's house was. He walked over to the kitchen and my first instinct was to follow him but quickly and quietly, I made my way to his room.

Derek's bedroom was big. It was plain and simple, not like the rest of the house which filled with furniture and color. Derek's bed was placed by the wall with a huge window where I could see my car parked. His walls were grey which didn't match his blue bedsheets and on the left side of the bed was a huge couch, which could literally be a full sized bed. On the opposite side of that was his huge plasma screen TV. Other than that, Derek's room was empty. You could definetly tell he was the one who decorated this room.

A knock on the door startled me as I turned around to find Derek holding an advil and a glass of water.

"Here, take this. I'll give you a pair of my pj's and will give you some privacy to change."

"Uhm- thank you, Derek. Seriously, thank you."

Derek's handed me a white T-shirt and a pair of the most comfortable pajama pants I have ever worn, considering I only ever sleep with a T-shirt and shorts.

Within two minutes of just awkwardly walking around Derek's room, he finally walks in dressed almost the same as me.

"You take the bed, I'll sleep on the couch."

"Jamie, don't be silly. I'll take the couch." With that, I made my way to the couch and laid down facing the wall making sure Derek knew I wasn't going to give it up. "You're so complicated!"

I laughed at Derek's response as he threw a pillow and blanket at me. He got into bed and the room got silent. After a few minutes, I had assumed Derek was asleep as he made no attempt to talk to me. The realization of me leaving my highly intoxicated father at home hit and I felt my tears building up in my eyes. I still couldn't believe that my dad was drinking again. His friends were never a good influence on him and I knew they were to blame for this.

It was hard for me to hold in my tears and my breathing only intensified.

"Jamie.." Derek's voice was soft. He was never asleep.

Before I knew it, I found myself slipping into bed with Derek. My arms wrapped around his chest while he held me tight. I let my tears go. The tears that should've ran down my face when I told Derek of my abusive childhood.