TheseAreMyMessages

Love (Valentines Edition)

Update:

For all of those people who are confused about my use of Love: I am also refering to Liking and Crushes. I just like to view it in a larger sense. Love is Liking. Its the same soncept in my mind.  Love goes to family, friends, and those you like. Love is not just kissing and hugging. 

Thanks,

-The Ninja

Love, to me, is beautiful. Love is strong. Love is uncontrollable. 

Love is my reason for living. Love is my greatest joy. Love is unexplainable.

Love.

I have lived my entire life with only two goals: 

-To be loved

-To be smart

I always looked forward to blushing in front of that special someone. I always looked forward to seeing their faces. I always looked forward to being in love.

But, why should I care enough to post this? Why do I speak so positively about love?

Love is uncontrollable. Most people want to keep their interests inside of themselves. Some want them to know. It really depends on the person. But, it's hard to keep in. Sometimes, you just want to tell all your friends. You just want to get some of the pressure off your shoulders. The feeling takes over your mind. It makes you do things you might regret. It may embarrass you. 

But, that is the whole point of love. It's a good addiction. It will show you things you will remember forever. Sometimes, you will regret things, but love won't accept that. Everyday, you can't help but enjoy it. 

Love is unexplainable. It brightens your day. It tears you down. It makes you wonder. Sometimes, its confusing whether or not you enjoy it or not. But, deep inside, your heart wills to love. It's like we were all made for it. We were all made to be in love.

Everybody may not be the same. Everybody may not have the same attitudes or personalities. But, we all know how to love. For outgoing people, we admit it up front. For shy people, you may send a note or tell a friend. And for everyone else inbetween, you let them figure it out. 

But in the end, it only seems right that everyone can be loved. Even if you are supposedly, "ugly". There will always be a person out there, for you.

Even if it takes years. Even if they are across the borders. Even if you aren't able to get to them. 

They will be out there. I am sure of it. 

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Part 2 (My Love Life)

I remember when I was 9 years old; it was 2011.

Her name was Pauline. She was blonde Eurasian. We went to the same Religious Scouts program. We met every Sunday, meeting in our Vietnamese class. She sat across me, so I was always forced to glance at her. 

Soon enough, those glances turned into feelings. Still young, I liked her for her appearance. She was a nice person. But what I didn't know was that we were still too far apart. Almost 2 years passed, and she didn't share the same feelings. My dad introduced me to the Boy Scouts, which would replace this program. I was hesitant to quit, but there was no other purpose to stay.

When it was 2012, I met this girl that changed my world. For now, I will keep her anonymous. In the beginning, we were just friends. After about a couple months, I began to notice her more. She was not necessarily the prettiest girl I had every seen, but something about her personality was really attractive. After that point, I was always anxious to see her. Whenever she talked to me, I would always write about the day in my journal. She gave me a purpose to love.

After that point, almost a year later, we were almost on silent. I wasn't able to talk to her as much. I was really trying to find myself. I couldn't enjoy life as much. I was always thinking that she liked someone else. From that point to 2014, I kept her image in my head. She was something that I knew I couldn't reach...

Fast forward in the future, and it was 2014. I was in Junior High, attending Oxford Academy. In the first couple weeks of school, I was overwhelmed. I still loved "her", but I was strangely attracted to a girl named Vivian. 

To be honest, she was pretty attractive, physically. She was a Chinese/Viet. I don't have much to say about her. I only liked her for about 3 weeks, before I quit. I just felt like I was pushing it too hard. It was only a couple weeks in, and I already fell for her. After those weeks, I was absolutely confused about myself. 

About 10 weeks into school, I met Sarah. We were close friends, able to share close info. We shared 4 classes together, so it was not too hard to see that I liked her more and more. But, in the end, Sarah was more of a second option for me. She was very outgoing, just like how I was. She was able to keep up with me. 

15 weeks into school, I just stopped everything. I thought about my life. I was pushing myself too hard to find love. I was so devastated from my first loss. It changed my life.  From after Pauline, I couldn't see love the same way. I felt like love could only last for so long. I thought about who I had abandoned on the climb.  "She" was still there for me. She was always there. 

From that point, I went back to "her". We talked for a couple weeks. Then, for some reason, we decided to reveal our secrets. Five weeks later, it was December 21, 2014. We made our confessions.

From that point on, I didn't care about anything else in the world. I quit on Sarah by informing her about the whole thing. She was okay, but I could her sense of nervousness. I had built her hopes too high. 

After my life's mess, I could only hold on to what I could. I reached for the wrong ledges. I forgot that I could be content with where I was. I forgot that there was still someone I had left behind. 

So, my lesson for this message is that:

Love is a precious thing. Take your time. Enjoy the little times while you can. Being in love can not be replaced. 

-The Ninja