Love It When We Get Weird || C.B.

Easier

Tell me it gets easier, tell me it gets easier
Tell me it gets easier, that I'll figure it out
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Colby left after watching both the IT movies, but I'm still wide awake.

Hey diary,

 I usually don't address you, but I really don't know how to feel right now. No, I'm not here to talk about Colby, sadly, I'm here to talk about the past. Jon. He never leaves my head. I don't even want him, but he doesn't leave. It hurts to see him with her. Jess. She's so perfect right. She's everything he's ever dreamed of. But why is she just like me. She's just off brand. I never hate on anyone, but god, he could've done better. I can do better, but if he didn't want me, why would Colbs. I shouldn't do this to myself, but I can't help it. He's on every feed, he's in every dream, god even she is. But guess what? He's still my friend. I help him with date ideas, and gifts. But he acts like I don't even exist. Like those feelings never were real. But they were, and I wouldn't say they still are. But my dignity, it's gone, and I want it back. Colby seems to flirt, but I'm not saying it's anything. Because when I do that, I just hurt myself. Because who would ever love me. I don't even love me. I'll never love me. I'll never love me. I'll nev-

*ring*

"Hey." I say flatly.

"Hey! Y/N! Wanna come hang with me and Tara?" Kat cheers out through the phone.

"I'd love to! But I have to film. Maybe another time."

"Oh yeah totally! Love yaaaa!!" How is she so cheery?

"Love you!" I fake a smile and hang up.

I'm not filming tonight.

(A/N hey guys. This chapter is kinda a release for me. I'm going through it right now. I kinda changed names and made the character similar to me. There will be happier chapters soon! Love y'all!! Comment and vote!✌️) (A/N 2023: lol I don't even think about the guy that I was so upset about. I'm literally married now to the love of my life. Life gets better I promise, never give up! <3)