Saving Lucifer

Fighting Desires

This chapter is rated for mature readers. No explicit sexual details but it's quite heated.

"Angel."

Castiel's voice was eager, anxious. He hurried over to me as quickly as he could, winced every few steps.

"Cas, stop. You're hurting." I ran over so he didn't have to go any further.

Once I was in front of him, he reached out for me, pulling me into his arms, and holding me tight.

"You may have missed all of those things, but that's not all he is or will be. He's still got so much more growing and learning to do." He pulled away, holding my arms as his eyes danced between mine.

"You're his mother and no one, no one can take that from you."

Averting my eyes, I cried,

"But his firsts..."

"And there will be many more." He interrupted. "He still needs his mother. Only you can teach him the compassion that you have. He won't learn it from me. I had to learn it from you. He's still going to need someone to teach him to ride a bike, climb trees, write, draw, paint...Just because you missed the firsts...don't make yourself miss the rest."

"Things are just...Different now."

"Just because things are different, doesn't mean things are bad." his lips pulled up into a half-smile as I allowed my eyes to meet his.

Pulling me close again, he held me tight. Wrapping my arms around his middle, I nuzzled the side of my face into his chest. Looking at him, he leaned in pressing his lips against mine. I pulled him tighter against me as he deepened our kiss. Pulling away, a blanket appeared on the ground beside us. Sitting down, he pulled me back against his chest as we both gazed up at the stars.

"I'll never get sick of coming here with you." I smiled.

"I'm quite fond of the memories we share at this place, too." he leaned down, kissing the crook of my neck.

Stretching my neck to allow him better access, he brushed my hair out of the way giving me goosebumps as his fingers danced across my skin. With his lips back on me, I could feel him smile against my neck as he caused a shiver within me.

"Cas." My arm reached up hooking behind his neck as I readjusted in his arms.

Staring down at me, his eyes fell on my lips. Leaning down, he pressed his against mine, his tongue sliding across my bottom lip asking for access. Granting him his wish, he snaked his tongue against mine causing a slight reaction from me. Smiling, he pulled away from me just long enough to lay next to me, placing his hand against my jawline and neck, he returned his lips to mine.

Having myself propped up on my elbow, I slowly lay back on the blanket as my arms wrapped around his neck. Positioning himself over me, an arm on either side, staring down at me with love and lust-filled eyes, he leaned into my neck, nibbling softly in the spot only he has ever found. Feeling my breathing quicken as his teeth grazed my collar bone, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him with vigor. Biting his lower lip caused him to moan and grind against me.

"Cas,"

He kissed me harder, showing me, he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

"Cas, I need you." I moaned breathlessly.

Growling against my lips, he reluctantly pushed off of me.

"What...?" Looking at him with desperation and confusion, I reached for him but he pulled away.

"Cas." I nearly whined causing him to chuckle.

"Not here. Not like this."

"What's it matter? So, it's not really happening fine, but can't we just get lost in the moment?" I sat up, resting against my elbows.

"I want to."

"So, what's stopping you?"

"The possible audience."

My mouth forming an O in realization, I suddenly felt vulnerable, out in the open. Sitting up fully and fixing my bunched-up shirt, I looked him over. Other than wincing at a few quick movements, he looked good.

"You look pretty good, are you able to take your body back yet? Because I really need your touch." I reached for him, pulling him back into a kiss but allowing him to break it before it became too heated.

"I can tell." he grinned.

"How much longer?" I asked knowing he was avoiding the answer.

"Honestly, I don't know. I tried taking over earlier. It wasn't working."

Studying his expressions, I could tell he was thinking about my break down.

"I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be. When I couldn't do anything or reach you, I had no idea what to do. I was desperate. That's why he came to you. I'd never have sent him to you, not as me."

"I appreciate you checking on me, though. Thank you, Cas." I forced a smile.

"I love you, Angel. If Lucifer is the only way I get to see you, so be it."

"He's being surprisingly respectful. I, uh..." I swallowed the nervous feeling rising in my throat. "I kind of forced myself into hugging him."

Castiel's eyes faltered as he nodded.

"I know. I could feel the want and need within you. I was fearful that you were going to fall into your weakness and allow him to take you." he looked away ashamed. "I became angry with him. That's why he walked away without saying anything."

"Take me? Cas, do you honestly think I'd be weak enough to fall into him like that?"

"Your needs have gotten so much stronger since you've been home. I feel them now. I feel them within us, within our grace. You need me and I'm not there to help you."

Instantly, I was on my knees in front of him staring into his eyes with furrowed brows. Taking both of his hands in mine, I could feel my heart aching for him.

"Yes. I need you. I want to have you near me, your arms around me, and other things." I grinned as I looked off to the side for a moment. "But when it comes down to that moment, Cas, your body or not, I know it's not you and it's you that I want to have giving all of that to me."

"He has been quite respectful, hasn't he?" he smiled as he looked me over.

"Because, knowing the want, need, the desire that is within you, if he were his old self, he'd have taken you already. Possibly while you were in the Nothing."

"He's not the same Lucifer everyone thinks he is. But I'll leave that for you all to decide on your own. Right now, I just want us to enjoy one another. Can we do that? Not talk about anyone or anything else and just be here with each other?"

Smiling, he pulled me into his arms, adjusting himself so we were in a comfortable position to gaze back up at the stars.

"I love you, Cas."

"I love you, too."