Alina Kanaan

Chapter 12

"O you who believe! Strong drink and games of chance and idols and divining arrows are only an infamy of Satan's handiwork. Leave it aside in order that ye may succeed." (Quran 5:90)

It's Tuesday night and Hussein is helping me practice the song I'll be singing on the show tomorrow night. I'll be singing "Aléjate de Mi" by Camila. It's Latin week so we have to choose a song that has Latin music in it. No one has chosen an actual song in Spanish except for me. I'm excited because I haven't sung in Spanish in a long time. The last time I did was at Rosa's Quinceñera. A Quince is when a Latina girl turns fifteen. The girl wears a huge, fancy dress and has chambelanes and damas who do dances with her for her guests.

Since Rosa is one of my best friends, she let me sing with the band that was at her party. I had to learn a bunch of Spanish songs. It was an amazing experience. I was praised for my singing and the band said whenever I needed them I could give them a call. For my wedding I'll probably call the band to play for part of the time. I want to invite Francisco, Rosa, and their families since they all know me well. There's going to be so many cultures blended into Aman's and my wedding. We got his culture, my culture, Francisco's and Rosa's, Homaira's, Ashley's and more!

"Very good! You're done for the night I think." He tells me after I finish singing again. I sit down on my parents' bed since we're in their room. Hussein and Sunira are staying in my parents' room with my parents. There's no other place for them to sleep.

My parents, Sunira, and Salma went out to do stuff so it's just Hussein and I. They wanted to give us time to catch up and really bond as brother and sister. I appreciate their thoughtfulness.

"Hussein, I'm sorry." I burst out before I even think of what to say.

"For what, Alina?" He asks. I don't say anything for a minute or two.

"For opening up my big mouth," I whisper. He instantly knows what I'm talking about.

"Alina, it was good that you did. I didn't mind taking a bullet for you. You're my little sister and you always will be. Plus, you did what most men wouldn't do. You spoke the truth to the enemy, but the enemy couldn't accept it. I couldn't live if you got shot instead of me. You were so young." I start crying. I feel him wrap his arms around me. I put my head against his chest.

As I cry, I ask myself if I'm depressed. Am I really happy to be in a place that's not my home? Am I even happy being in a country that's not my home? Am I happy with people calling me a terrorist and other things?

I think about what Francisco told me. Muhammad (peace be upon him) went through worse than me anyway.

"Alina, look at me." Hussein returns me back to reality. I do as he says.

"What is it?" I ask. I don't even recognize my voice.

"I'm alive. You're alive. That's what matters. That was the past. Don't feel guilty now. Don't ever feel guilty about that ever again. I was fine taking a bullet for you. Like I said, you did what most men would never do. You challenged the enemy head on. You even did that this weekend on the news. I admire you for that. You're the bravest one out of all of us."

"There's something you should know."

"What is it?" I tell him everything that's happened between Aman and I. I have to tell him. I need to tell someone. He looks at me in a shockingly after I'm finished.

"Wait, so you and Aman...you know?" He asks.

"Yes, we did. I'm not proud of it and we both regret it. I hate myself because of it."

"Be careful, Alina. Don't let him do that to you again. I believe that he's a good guy and things happen, but just don't let him until you two are married. After that you can even be the one to initiate it. Trust me, save it for marriage. It'll feel a lot better. You won't feel any guilt."