Golden Girl

14. Both of us

Song Of Chapter: Chains by Nick Jonas

I immediately start to cry. What have I done to myself? To Sienna? Most importantly Logan?
It's not Dylan's fault. It really isn't. I should have pulled away. But I didn't. I should have stopped, but I didn't. I enjoyed it. The big question is why? I need somebody to explain that to me. Why do I feel this way towards Dylan? Most importantly, why did he? We definitely aren't friends anymore. Well, we never have been. Dylan's always been like a brother to me. But now what?
Sure, we've had some great moments together.
Getting drunk, sarcastic exchanges, hangovers, funny moments, disagreements, but kisses? That's not friends. That's not siblings. That's... Something else!
I know now, every time I look at him, it will never be the same again.

I feel Dylan's arm around me.
At the moment I don't know if even him comforting me is right.
I lay my head in his shoulder.
Just friends, I thought through the tornado of emotions swirling around in my mind.
"What have we done?" I ask quietly. Although I say it as a question, it's rhetorical in a way. But even so, I wait for a reply.

"I don't know. I really don't know." Dylan replies.

"Will they find out? They will won't they?" I stiffen up at the thought of anybody else knowing.

"No. No they won't. Nobody but us will know."
I look up, and try to make out his face in the dark.

"Why-why did you kiss me in the first place?"

He stayed silent for a moment. I waited for him to say something, but all I heard was the deafening silence.

"I don't know. I guess I just felt like it was the only way to calm you down. And then-"

I cut him off, "And then, we both enjoyed it. We both went too far, we both couldn't stop ourselves. This was not me, this was not you, this was both of us."

"Basically."

We stay there for at least five minutes. Me resting my head on his shoulder in deep thought, and him trying to comfort me in any possible way. This is just friends... Right?
"Wait. Did you hear that?" I suddenly say.
"Hear what?"
I slowly stand up, gripping the elevator bar. I hear a slight creaking noise.
"That."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know, but it doesn't mean anything good."

I walk around, waiting for the strange creaking noise to begin once again.
"Dylan. We're going to fall."
"What? That's impossible."
"It's very possible." I argue.
"Well even so, we're only..." He looks at what floor we are on.
"24 stories in the air. Okay um that's great."

It never occurred to me, whether anybody knew the elevator had stopped, or that there are two twenty-three year olds trapped inside. Trapped inside a dark elevator, trapped inside their own minds, trying to figure themselves out. Wondering if they know each other anymore, or if they even know themselves. Their emotions taking control, breaking down walls and building up new ones.

I pace around trying to think of a solution. My mind keeps wandering, to places, thoughts keep flooding head, my emotions begging to
take control once again. I want to stay in this elevator forever. Between its walls, safe and sound in Dylan's arms, not having to think about anybody but myself.
At last I think of something.

"Okay how about this."

"I'm listening." Dylan says.

"We open the doors, and we see how far up we are from the next floor, and then if we aren't far, climb down."

"Do you realize what you just said? Are you going insane? Open the elevator doors? Climb down?"

"What? I've seen it happen in the movies."