Our Past [COMPLETE]

#20 - Season 2

(Billie Eilish - Six Feet Under)

"Blow Away Like Like Smoke In Air"

The doctor walked out of the room, apologetically. Without him uttering a single word, I knew what he was about to say.

"We have tried our best, but the patient's own life expectancy wasn't there. For that, we're really sorry."

I could hear in that moment the corridor was filled with cries that broke out unstoppable. Alex's mother fainted making the others immediately carried her to an empty room. I saw all the eyes shedding tears incessantly.

I was frozen in my position, as if my world ended here. My heart was no longer radiant, now enveloped in darkness. My hope had broken. There was no more reasons to get up. If I could curse, I would have cursed over everything.

Life was so cruel for took away someone I love. They all left me in the end of the day.

Our ending was very unlucky.

Maybe this was my last chance to see him. I ran into the room and found Alex's body which was lying covered in a white cloth.

I opened and saw his eyes closed, "Hi, Alex. I'm Laura. Thank you for fighting your disease for the sake of being with me, but God loves you more. Now, you can rest in peace without feel pain in your body. Thank you for allowing me to be with you at the end of your time. I know you love me, because I do too." I smiled as I felt the water flowing down my cheeks.

"All the memories you gave me will always I keep in here. "I touched my chest. "I love you, my love." My voice broke. The doctor took Alex away from his room to the mortuary to prepare everything.

My body was limp. I almost fell, but a pair of hands held me. Dean slowly picked me up, and sat me on the chair.

It felt like only my body was alive, not my soul. I had no idea how to continue living. I should've known all of this from the start, not like this. I should've been able to appreciate him more and never waste times. My chest hurts remembering all of it.

If only time could be repeated, I'd replay all of them. All memories kept playing in my head. His way of looking after me, supporting me, protected me when I was scared. He was also my confidant friend who never gave up and kept asking me to tell him what's wrong. Someone who told me to be disciplined in time. A man who had been a part of my life since we studied together in college. My man.

I cried like there's no tomorrow. My eyes were so sore, it felt like my tears would soon run out because I've been crying since a few days ago. Dean was stay silent, but he continued to hold my hand. He understood how disappointed I was in life.

"This isn't fair." I mumbled. "This really isn't for me." I yelled not knowing what to do again.

Mia hugged me and told Dean to help the others completed hospital administration and preparations for burial.

"Why me, Mia?" I kept screaming in her arms. Mia's eyes were red, she had been crying.

"Why? I just want to be with him, Mia. I didn't ask for anything else." I felt my chest was so tight, and also heard my groaning incessantly.

"Laura, listen. You have to let him go. He's happy now. He won't be in pain like the past few years. At least you've fought for him too. This is just fate, and we can't change it." Mia whispered and continued stroking my shoulder.

"So, don't cry. Don't make him sad, Laura." Heard this, my tears subsided. Mia was right.

"Let's get ready, soon the burial will be carried out." Mia took me home to changing clothes, then we headed to the funeral.

The atmosphere was quiet, only the sound of the wind blowing could be heard. I saw that his parents were still unable to hold back tears. Regret in their eyes. There was also a lot of media covering it. I couldn't believe this.

I closed my eyes and convinced myself that I was strong enough to lead him to his final rest. My tears gradually dripped again, seeing him buried. His beautiful eyes closed, there will be no more eyes watching me. His mouth shut, no one will nag me anymore. His hands were helpless, no one will hold me anymore when I'm alone and scared.

I stayed at Mia's house that night, I couldn't sleep or even closed my eyes. There was no desire to eat, drink or do anything. All I knew, I felt so lonely. But, then yesterday's dream reminded me.

I knew it was the middle of the night, but I wondered if the dream will tell me a truth?

I didn't ask Mia because she was probably tired today. So, I decided to go alone.

I drove my car to the office, I ran up to his room.

My heart trembled to see the room door in front of me. I won't have the strength to go in there. But, I strengthened and pushed the unlocked door slowly.

All I saw was a dark room, with the equipment still there. The table in the same position, then I saw my table was still there, with my name tag 'Laura Clay'

I touched it slowly and felt all the memories coming back in front of me, the days we laughed, also the day Alex started to change. I should have realized it from the start.

I cried, smiling slowly. I took the key to open his desk drawer. There I saw my photo which I had seen before. My tears soaked the photo frame.

I saw what's in there again. There was also a photo where I was standing at a meeting.

I remembered, it was the meeting where my dad and Alex did the validation. I was late. But, why didn't I realize I was being photographed?

Then, I saw a letter.

My heart dropped.

I was beginning to read it.

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