confession #banglo

#10

What didn't come as that big of a surprise was that Gunhee did not accept it and that there was - his words - no way in hell he would ever forgive them. He had found out about it online when the label had posted a picture of Yongguk and Junhond and showed up to Yongguk's house, yelling about how they were traitors, horrible people, untrustworthy and how he regretted being friends with them. He thrashed some things around and as his final gift before leaving, threw a chair on the ground between him and the two. Yongguk's parents luckily weren't home to see the mess. After that, he wouldn't even answer their calls.

Yongguk tried reaching him multiple times without success and spent some sleepless nights because of that. He wanted to make up. He had been friends with Gunhee for a long time and he didn't want to ruin it because of something like this, even though it was not a small thing. He knew they weren't right to betray Gunhee like that and he was ready to apologize. He would do anything to get Gunhee to forgive them.

They were busy for some weeks, traveling back and forth between their own town and the capital to visit the agency. They were already making plans for a new single - music video and everything - and a tour after that. Yongguk still didn't give up on trying to reach Gunhee. He even asked Jen if she knew how to contact him. The girl just told him Gunhee didn't want to talk to him. It was only later that Yongguk found out she was also taking a big blow because of this rift.

Almost a month after that, Junhong went to a party hosted by a close acquaintance he had met through Gunhee. Yongguk had decided to pass this time even though Junhong asked him many times if he wanted to come along. "I haven't been invited anyways. You go and have fun. Call me when you're getting back home and I'll walk to you," Yongguk had said.

He stayed awake for long, waiting for Junhong, slowly starting to get worried that maybe he wasn't going to call at all. Eventually he became tired of sitting in his room and went outside, starting to walk around vaguely, though his way - through multiple detours - was making towards where he knew Junhong was. Yongguk really enjoyed something as mind-clearing as walking alone along empty streets in the middle of the night. He didn't even need any music, the mood was just right even in complete silence.

When he was around halfway there, his phone rang. After confirming that it was Junhong, he picked up, immediately hearing some noise from the background of the call.

"I just wanted to let you know I'm leaving home now. But you don't need to come since it's late. I can go to my own apartment," Junhong's voice came a bit unclear through the phone but Yongguk still managed to make out what he was saying. His drunken state was evident even through speech.

"Oh it's fine. I came out and I'm almost there anyways," Yongguk said, trying to think about how long of a way he still had left. "Maybe in twenty minutes I would be there."

Junhong was quiet for a while, not having expected to get this reply. What Yongguk didn't realize was that the younger had only called him to make him go to sleep without staying up worrying - he wasn't actually about to leave yet. He tried to quickly think if there was any way he could still make Yongguk go back without him but realized there was no plausible explanation. He would have to just go.

"Junhong?" Yongguk questioned, wondering if the guy had been able to hear him in all that noise.

"Yeah, I'll start walking now and meet you somewhere in the way." Junhong ended the call.

In fifteen minutes, Yongguk finally walked into Junhong and greeted him with a smile. He turned around and they walked together back to where Yongguk had just come from. Junhong didn't seem as drunk anymore as he had sounded through the call and Yongguk was glad to know maybe he had learned to control his drinking better lately.

"Gunhee was there," Junhong started the conversation. Yongguk almost stopped in his tracks but had to continue walking before he got left behind.

"Did you talk to him?" he asked. This time Junhong was the one to stop walking. He turned his head and pointed at what seemed like an upcoming bruise on his cheekbone. It was so faint Yongguk wouldn't even have noticed it if they weren't standing right under a street light - and if Junhong didn't point it out.

"I fought him," he clarified. "Or he fought me. I didn't really do anything other than try to push him away."

"Are you okay?" Yongguk's worried tone came out immediately and his eyes scanned Junhong as if he was trying to find broken bones or something. Junhong nodded and urged them to continue walking. He really hated making Yongguk worry but he just had to tell about fighting Gunhee. It was a crucial part of the story.

"Then I talked to him. He was unwilling to listen to me at first but came along after some time. He agreed to be cool with me, although he said he will never trust me again. But I'm still fine with that," Junhong explained what had happened, though he didn't go into details.

"That's good, isn't it?" Yongguk was already feeling happy just thinking about the fact that they could maybe be friends with Gunhee again.

"It is. But I'm not sure if he will be the same tomorrow when he sobers up."

"You're right. But this is still a good sign. I think it will be better the next time you talk to him," Yongguk said, feeling relieved. That night, he slept better than he had done in a while.

-     -     -

"It seems like you spent many nights together," Youjin said, only now starting to question the fact that the two seemed to always stay the night at each other's places.

"The nights we slept separately can be counted with finders of two hands," Yongguk felt like it was funny as well but with Junhong, they had never thought it was weird.

"You must have been really close to be that comfortable. Not many people do that unless there's feelings involved," Youjin used himself as a comparison; he wouldn't like sleeping with someone he didn't have romantic feelings for. But he acknowledged that people were different. To some such thing might not be a problem at all.

"Aside from sleeping in the same bed almost every night, we never did anything else. I believe neither of us desired for anything more, although we never talked about it. Most of the time there was no need for words. Back then, I was so happy to have found someone who was so much ...like me. In that aspect," Yongguk was having trouble finding his words. "But at least from my part, there were feelings. I can't be sure about Junhong, though. Maybe he, like I, would have realized it only later."

"I think no one could deny you two had something special," Youjin tilted his head a little to look at Yongguk more carefully. "After spending so much time with him, I think you can say something about his feelings as well. I would argue that no one knew him as well as you."

"I could have known him better..."

"If there was something he deliberately didn't want you to know, there was no way you could have known," Youjin immediately Yongguk was gonna go into his self-blaming mode again and quickly tried to reverse the situation. "So was Gunhee really willing to be your friend again?"

"No. Or well. Not exactly. Only Junhong's friend. I found it strange. Both of us were just as much to blame but for some reason, he continued being friends with Junhong while still ignoring me. Junhong knew how bad I felt because of it so he tried asking Gunhee to accept my apology as well but Gunhee was stubborn. To this day I still don't understand how he came to hate me so much. Maybe he just needed a person like Junhong in his life," Yongguk had multiple theories but he only shared one for now, "Maybe he was only friends with me because of music. I knew he wanted to be a rapper himself too. It was his dream to make it big through me. Maybe he needs an ulterior motive to be friends with someone. Junhong was his friend for parties."