confession #banglo

#14

"Did they really end up helping you," Youjin asked, having already wished that Yongguk wouldn't do all the work alone.

"They did. I didn't even ask. Hyungwon always came after school and my father a bit later once he got off work. Having them there was honestly a savior. During the time they were with me, I didn't think about Junhong at all," Yongguk wasn't sure if the skate park would still be unfinished if he had done it all alone.

"I think they were also happy to spend time with you," Youjin could sympathize with Hyungwon; he felt like he would have done the same if he had been Yongguk's friend at that time.

"It took about two months for the whole thing to be finished," Yongguk let out a sigh. "It felt so strange. The thing Junhong had dreamed about was complete. I was just looking at the plan we had worked on that had now became reality. I wished Junhong would have been there to see it. I didn't dare to open the place for the public."

"Yeah I think it was around the time when I moved here. The place was empty for so long and I wondered why nothing happened there."

"I thought I would have nothing to do with my life once I wasn't working on the park anymore. Then once I dared to open it, suddenly I was so busy. It worked as a distraction and I didn't even think about Junhong anymore. At least during the day," Yongguk's voice suddenly went low as he finished his sentence. "Is it normal to miss someone this much for so long?"

"Everyone grieves differently. And if you really loved him, of course it can be hard for you to live without him," Youjin's experiences with losing someone were different from Yongguk's but he completely understood what the guy was feeling.

Yongguk looked up and now his eyes were glossy. "I would still give up anything to save him," his bottom lip trembled as he spoke.

Youjin breathed in deep and straightened his back. "That ballad you wrote that you said made you think about Junhong... What do you say we finish that?" Youjin moved his chair a bit closer to the desk and slowly reached for the laptop as if he was trying to see whether Yongguk would stop him or not.

"I don't know if I can do that," Yongguk muttered. Just thinking about seeing those lyrics again made him get chills.

"Okay," Youjin refrained from opening the laptop after hearing Yongguk's opinion. He knew he had pressured Yongguk a lot already and made him very sensitive by bringing up all the difficult things he had been dealing with. "We don't have to work on any music today if you don't feel like it. We can just chill."

Yongguk didn't say anything. He remained still for a moment before moving his chair back to be able to access one of the drawers of his desk. He fidgeted with the handle of it for a moment, figuring out if he wanted to open it or not. He wrapped his fingers around it and slowly pulled it open, just slightly, not even able to see what was inside since there was not much light in the room to begin with.

Youjin's eyes switched between the half-open drawer and Yongguk, whose hands seemed to be shaking as he still contemplated on opening the drawer. He bit his lips together and pulled the drawer open, then slowly moved his hand inside to grab the notebook on top of a pile of papers. He pushed the drawer close again and leaned against the desk, not shying away anymore and just bluntly opening the notebook, immediately landing on the pages with sketches of the interior of Spotlight.

Youjin could figure out what it was so he didn't have to ask, he just gave Yongguk some peace to go through the notebook by himself. Yongguk's fingers still shook as he turned a page backwards and saw the romantic lyrics Junhong had once made fun of him for writing.

"There actually should be a beat on my laptop I made for this song. It's just a scratch and I have never opened it since he died," Yongguk told and set the notebook down to take out his laptop instead.

As Yongguk went through his laptop to find that particular instrumental, Youjin read the lyrics he had written and as he got to the end, he couldn't help but cry. He put the notebook back down and quickly sniffled, wiping his eyes with his knuckles so Yongguk wouldn't notice.

Yongguk blew out a deep exhale. "I'm scared, I haven't heard this on forever."

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"No, but if I don't do it now, I think i never will," Yongguk focused on the screen as the mouse circled around the play button in the same manner his fingers had been playing with that drawer knob just a moment ago.

The low and melodic ballad tune started playing through the speakers. It was raw and full of emotions, even without any words on top of it. It was nothing like any song he had ever heard Yongguk do but he still knew that once Yongguk sung those lyrics on it with his deep voice, it would sound perfect.

"It's so beautiful," Youjin let out once the song reached the end. He felt like crying again. He had never expected to hear something so touching.

"I want to try it," Yongguk cleared his throat and made a few clicks on his laptop, adding a new layer he could record on. He looked at his notebook for a while with a pen in his hand, seeming to do some changes to his lyrics with a serious expression on his face. Youjin set up the mic and waited for him to be done, ready to record.

Yongguk nodded to Youjin as a sign that he could start recording. The track started playing again and Yongguk adjusted himself in front of the mic. After a couple of seconds, he started singing. Youjin had never really heard his proper singing voice so he was taken aback but just as he expected, the raspy tone fit the melody perfectly. It gave him chills. Youngguk's eyes were closed as he continued singing. Youjin noticed that the lyrics were now in past tense and a wave of sadness brushed over him.

Yongguk sang the whole song in one go and as he was finished, Youjin saw tears streaming down his face. "Give me a second, I want to do the chorus again," he said and walked out of the room to go sort himself out and get a class of water. When he came back, they just continued recording.

"Does this song have a name?" Youjin asked once they were about finished. A couple of hours had gone by, recording and making fine adjustments to the song.

Youngguk seemed to contemplate for a second before replying, "Junhong's song."

Youjin accepted that name, making no comment on what he suspected the public's reaction would be like after Yongguk would put out a song so intimate and dedicate it to Junhong. He knew Yongguk didn't care and whatever opinion people would have about it wouldn't faze him. Youjin agreed the name was a perfect one and saved the file under that name as they proceeded to upload it online.

용국 - Junhong's Song