confession #banglo

#12

"From that point onward, I don't have much memory. I think I took a cab to the hospital but honestly, I don't even remember paying for one. I think I was in some sort of a trance," Yongguk's eyes looked lifeless as he just stared somewhere in the abyss. It was like all the emotion had already left him at this point. He inhaled deeply and continued, a small wrinkle now appearing between his brows as he tried to recall the events. "But I made it there and met Gunhee in the ER. He wouldn't look at me or answer any of my questions."

"Was Junhong already..?" Youjin couldn't even finish his own sentence because just saying it made him feel horrified. Yongguk nodded just slightly. "Did Gunhee know?"

"He knew. They had still been in the ambulance on the way to the hospital at that moment. I found all this out later since Gunhee refused to give me any details. He was in a huge shock but back then I probably didn't care about his feelings. The whole night is a blur to me but I'm pretty sure I yelled at him more than I should have. I'm not sure how he was able to handle that," Yongguk's voice was once again starting to break the more he thought about the events. He still couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Did Gunhee not tell you anything?" Youjin knew Gunhee must have also had a hard time coming to the terms with the fact that his friend was gone. He was just eighteen and it must have been a shocking experience, something that cannot be dealt with in just minutes.

"After I pressured him with questions in the Emergency Room for some time, he finally cracked. He told me... He told me Junhong was dead."

-     -     -

Gunhee had only said three simple words but Yongguk didn't need to question them at all. It would have been wonderful to say 'stop playing around,' and then Gunhee would have laughed and asked if it was a good prank. But there was no chance for a scenario like that. Gunhee was not playing around. Yongguk had immediately turned around and walked out of the building, unable to say anything. He wasn't sure how did his legs even move since there were no thoughts in his head. He was like a zombie, bumping into people as if he had no idea what was going on in the world.

He had barely gotten outside when his legs gave out and he fell on the ground, his knees banging against the asphalt. Tears streamed down his face with no control and he didn't even try to stop the loud sobs from escaping his mouth. He brought a hand on his chest, seeming like he was desperately trying to grab his heart. Yongguk had never felt pain like that before.

Tens of minutes passed and multiple people walked past him as he continued weeping on his knees in front of the hospital. He was starting to lose feeling on his body parts but as much as he became numb, his tears never stopped. Every time they slowed down for a moment, his thoughts went back to Junhong and a new burst of emotions ran through him, making his eyes burn as they filled with fresh tears again.

"Yongguk..." a careful voice came from behind him and Gunhee slowly approached him, eyes red from all the tears that had been flowing down from his eyes as well. He had probably been embarrassed to face Yongguk while he was still crying so he had waited for the tears to stop, roughly rubbing his face and eyes to hide the evidence. His raspy voice, if nothing else, still revealed the situation. "You can still go see him if you want."

Yongguk breathed in deep, trying to pull all the tears back in. He lifted his head and stood up, his legs almost failing him again but he managed to maintain his balance after some staggering. "Why?" he asked, his voice not sounding any better than Gunhee's.

"I mean you don't have to but if you want, there's still a chance for now. I thought maybe you might want to see him," Gunhee answered the question, a bit unsure what to even say. Yongguk let him finish even though it wasn't the answer he wanted.