Loving you

The waterfall

I've not long left the grounds of the end of summer party when it gets darker. Not the sky darkening but because of the thick trees around me. As I walk further along the path i begin to hear water running, first slowly then it gets louder and louder until it's a full fall. I start to walk faster, I come to a steep hill that seems to go up forever but when I reach the top the view is even better than from the window. There is a fast falling waterfall with the deepest blue water creating lots of bubbles at the bottom of the falls. Built up rocks and trees where the some foliage is leaning across the falls. The grass beneath me is so lush and has wild flowers growing all around me. Purples and blues, whites and yellows. I feel as if the build up or the last 6 years has built up for me finally seeing this view. I sit down on the grass and debate getting close enough to let the water spray my face. Then I rethink that Jack would be confused if I went back wet. I lie back and let the streams of sunlight cover me as I'm on the grass. It's nice, relaxing. I spend at least 15 minutes lying here, I can feel the sun's raise moving it's getting a little colder. I sit up so I am leaning on my elbows and I can't bring myself to get up yet when the birds suddenly fall silent. I begin too hear someone the ground is dry and the twigs are breaking easily. I stand up and fix myself not knowing who it what to expect. It's a few minutes of anticipation before there's a figure... then a Face I would recognise anywhere. "Gi you almost gave me a heart attack. I didn't even know you where here." I smile sitting back on the grass.

"I never meant to scare you. My mom said you were at the party and when I couldn't find you I knew where you'd be. What are you doing here alone?" He asks sitting next to me.

"Yeah your mom showed me the view from a bench I love it. It's took me long enough to finally see it. I came with someone but I had to finally see this so I came." I explain staring at the rushing water. Gianni starts twiddling with his hands and I haven't seen him do this in years.

"Yeah it's great I love it and I mean it's visible from the house." He laughs... as if he has to remind me.

We sit awkwardly for a couple of minutes. It's never normally awkward between us but since we haven't spoke in weeks it's by flowing like usual. I'm not even paying attention to him but to the water but I hear him say something. "Sorry what did you say?" I say asking him to repeat it.

"Me and Lola broke up." He says simply not listing his gaze from the grass.

"Is that's why you haven't called me?" I ask seriously. Moving a little closer to him.

"No. I tried calling you once and you never replied. I figured you didn't want to talk. We broke up the morning you were last at the house. I think we should talk Jas" He explains as he continues to twiddle his thumbs.

I feel my heart beat quicken he's never said anything like this. This time he moves closer to me and that's when I smell it. "Gi we can talk but you've been drinking. I can smell it."

"You see I've only been drinking so I could talk to you. It's serious stuff. I finished with Lola, and the whole time all I've thought about is you." He smiles even though he's still not looking at me.

"Your drunk. Your just saying this because your drunk Gi." I smile. I'm not going to take anything seriously I don't think. He could be back with Lola before I know it.

"That's not true. You can't tell me you've never felt anything between us. It's always there, in my opinion it's always going to be there." He's serious now his eyes have moved from the grass to me but I can't bring myself to look at his eyes yet.

"Say something then." He says after a couple of minutes pass. Truly I don't know what to say. Usually I'd have time to think but he's right in front of me.

"All I can think of is that your saying these things because you are drun..." before I can even finish my word his lips are on mine and I'm not mad about it. I let it happen. We're sitting on the grass at a waterfall I've always associated with him, his hands slowly make there way down my back then I pull away. "I can't. I'm still with Jack. It's not fair on him."

Gianni starts laughing and his hands cup my face "Honestly Jas he's an ass. Not a great guy, he acts all picture perfect but he's not worth it. I know people that he's hurt it's not fun. But I guess your right I won't contribute to you feeling bad." I place one of my hands on top of his while it's still on my face. He continues. "I knew you had begun to see him. I was confused to what you seen in him."

"Okay no need to grill my decisions... what makes you think I would want to kiss you more anyway, you didn't even ask." I say moving my hand away. I see his face drop when I say it and he lets me go. I was completely fine with it I just wanted to see his reaction.

"I'm sorry, your right I knew you were seeing someone. But I knew you wanted to kiss me. I've wanted to kiss you before now too. For instance when I picked you up from dinner with Luca and the girls and you were there, before I knew you were wasted. That night when you came into my bed. We just click, we always have." He's drunk but now has the biggest smile on his face and not his usual smirk. He's pouring his heart out to me and I don't know how to react.

"Gi, I don't know what to say... what do you want me to say." I ask seriously. I know I have feelings but does he want me to say or is he just drunk.
"Tell me how you feel... how you really feel, about me, about our past." He's still smiling but not looking at me he's staring of to somewhere behind me. "I don't care that I'm drunk I need to hear it."

I take a deep breath and lean back on the grass. "Gi, I always knew we had a connection, a real one. Every time we've shared a bed or a small kiss, every time I've seen you with Gigi or going out of your way to help us I feel an urge that I've never felt before. When I went to Scotland I knew I'd miss everyone but my heart missed you the most." I open my eyes and glance at him and he's not smiling anymore. He's just staring at me. I continue " When I came back and seen you were with Lola I felt heart broken, but then remembered I had no reason to be heartbroken so I got on with it until I slept beside you. After that I knew I had to stay away in case I ruined your relationship." I feel tears welling in my eyes. I don't talk about my feelings very often. "I had to Gi."

He stares at my not replying for a while before his eyes move from me to our surroundings then back to me. "Jas you didn't have too... you should have known. I'd never have turned you away." Everything felt now as if it was falling somewhat into place.

"What about Lola I don't want her to think that... you know that you-" I can't even finish my sentence before his lips are on mine. I feel myself spinning maybe not literally. I pull back from him and whisper "your definitely finished with Lola."

"Yes, I am definitely finished with Lola... kiss me Jas."