Trigger Warnings for this Chapter:
References to Body Image/Anorexia
References to Sexuality
Coming Out (Questioning Sexuality)
Drinking (As Usual)
Adult Language (As Always)
June 2013
"Um, RapMon-Hyung, you got a sec?" Jimin stood at the door of the office where Namjoon and Yoongi and Hoseok often did production work at home.RM slid the headphones down off his ears, settling back in his chair in a way that showed he had already turned his brain away from work and onto Jimin.
"For you, Jimin-ah, always," He said with that dimply grin.
Jimin slipped into the door and closed it behind him. "Um, I don't know....during "One More Dream" ..." He rubbed the back of his neck, blushing to think of the choreography that now had him as the sole member who revealed his abdomen while he turned and thrust his hips... He wanted to sink into the ground every time he thought of it.
And yet they already filmed the music video.... He blushed again thinking of how he felt with all the cameras and crew focused on him. He hadn't eaten well in weeks, thinking of this choreography and how it would show off any ounce of fat on his body...
Namjoon looked him in the eyes, "Listen, I know it felt super weird today, okay? It wasn't just you, either. We all felt so freaking weird." He shivered. "Listen, think of what it feels like in front of the crowd."
They had been working the club scene and underground music scene in Seoul for two months straight. Jimin thought of what it felt like to perform... every eye focused on him, or at least, he thought, on "JIMIN" the Idol. It was a rush, he had to admit, like the best drug, and they all were addicted to it. Addicted to ARMY, their chosen name for their fans. It almost seemed like a waste of a day sometimes when they had photoshoots and interviews... any day they didn't get to see the crowd felt hollow.
"Okay," said Jimin, licking his lips and looking back at Namjoon with a smirk, "we all love ARMY, it feels amazing up there on stage." A smile played across his lips just thinking about it.
Namjoon looked into his eyes. "Now imagine when we debut this new song and all the ARMYs get to see your..." his eyes traveling down Jimin's body, " insane...like...12 pack." He finished with a laugh. Jimin blushed. "Literally though Jimin, they are gonna scream for you. All the fangirls... and fanboys," he met his eyes knowingly and Jimin squirmed... "they are gonna scream for you and your abs." Jimin thought about what that would feel like, and an impish grin came over his face.
"When you can stop being a huge stresscase, you are an even huger flirt, Park Jimin," said Namjoon with a chuckle. "You are gonna end up loving that choreography."
Jimin said nothing but didn't leave either. "Listen, Jiminah, if you are really nervous, perform in front of a good audience." Jimin looked into his eyes, confused.
"What do you mean?"
Namjoon smiled. "Well, what about Jungkook, he always loves to watch you dance. Maybe if Jungkook screams about your abs you will feel better about the whole thing." His face was teasing but the suggestion was serious. Jimin's heart pounded... Namjoon had clearly noticed ... whatever "it" was. Jimin didn't even know if JK had noticed it, had noticed how he seemed to stare at Jimin during interviews, stare transfixed when Jimin danced. Jimin didn't give himself permission to wonder exactly what was in Jungkook's mind at those moments... he was literally still a kid, he reminded himself... But Jimin had indeed started to turn into a huge flirt, partially to try to draw JK's gaze as often as possible.
After Jimin rejoined the group a few months ago, he felt like he sparkled with newfound confidence. When he started to get anxious, he thought of his little muse, Jungkook. Focusing on how Jungkook was, and teasing him, kept Jimin happy and relaxed. And it's true that Jungkook didn't seem to mind it...accepted the extra attention from Jimin, happily.
He looked back at Namjoon, eyes starting to sparkle. "Well, maybe I will." He said with a sly grin.
"Ah! That-a-boy Park Jimin!"
Jimin stuck out his tongue and smirked at Namjoon as he slunk off to find Jungkook...
"What are you doing, JK?" He found him at the kitchen table.
Jungkook looked adorably natural and relaxed in big glasses, large sweats and a T shirt, painting a picture with watercolor.
"Woah holy Shit JK." Jimin stared in wonder at the realistic river scene that Jungkook was succeeding in capturing in watercolor from a photo he had taken when he was home for New Year. "Wow, you really are the Golden Maknae." Jungkook smiled and pushed his glasses up his nose.
"So what do you want?"
"What do I WANT? I think you mean, what do I want HYUNG?" Jimin said with exaggerated insult at the lack of honorific. He used the chance to step close to Jungkook and make him look up at him. But he broke out in a smile quickly, unable to feign insult, covered it by sticking out his tongue.
"Yeah okay, so what do you want?" Jungkook's eyes teased him and held back laughter.
Jimin punched him in the arm. "Get up you disobedient child!" His eyes also sparkled. "For that, you must come help me with my dance."
Jungkook stood up at once and now he looked slightly down on Jimin, their mouths just inches away. Jimin's heart dropped, his mouth got dry, and he stepped back with a wan chuckle.
"Okay, lead the way, Jimin-shi," Jungkook's voice rumbled, lower than it sang. Jimin squealed and punched him again. Jungkook grabbed his wrist, his hand wrapping huge around Jimin's small one. "Is that respectful enough for you?" he said. Jimin blushed. He liked it too much when Jungkook teased him.
"I just need an audience for a minute." He led the way back to the empty living room and loaded up their new track. He turned and his eyes met Jungkook's. He tried to pull off flirty but his voice trembled a bit as he asked JK: "Tell me if I look good, okay?"
And so he danced for Jungkook. During the part that he lifted up his shirt, his eyes found Jungkook's. He stared, open mouthed, like he often did when Jimin danced, his eyes moving over his belly and exposed chest, his tongue moving slightly in his mouth. One of the times he met Jimin's eyes, saw Jimin watching-him-watching-Jimin, and he swallowed and broke his stare for a minute, blinked and glanced down quickly...breaking that confident aura that being a member of BTS was starting to give him... Jimin licked his lips.
The shirt lifting move can stay, he thought to himself. He was turned on just thinking of how he had made Jungkook blush and get nervous when he noticed him...and the way Jungkook had looked before he realized Jimin was watching him...
July 2013As Jimin settled neatly into his role of huge natural flirt and began to tease the other members endlessly, he got more and more curious glances from Hoseok... especially when Jimin caught himself lost in Jungkook's eyes or voice, sometimes he looked up to see Hobi looking at him with a curious expression.
It started to weigh on him more and more heavy. Hoseok had trusted all of them, and I don't trust him enough to be honest? Jimin's heart thumped as he lay thinking of this in the dark dorm. It wasn't that he didn't want to be honest with Hobi...his heart squirmed. He wasn't sure he was even really ready to be honest with himself. He took a deep breath.
"I like boys." his whisper was barely a breath. He let this truth wash over him. He didn't really know if he was gay.
Girls could be sexy too, girls could make him blush or make his heart pound... but since he had gotten closer with JK he realized that he had never felt that way about a girl before, and nothing had ever even happened between him and Jungkook.
"You're a fool," he whispered out loud.
............................................................................
Author Note:
The prologue continues in the next part!
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