We all experience grief and some handle it better than others...
Then there's those select few who grieve in silence...
Those who are forced to keep everything bottled up causing them to lose sight of themselves...
They go around making everyone els...
âš ï¸WARNINGâ›”ï¸ : This chapter will contain a mature content Please read carefully. âš ï¸
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Christmas was amazing but the excitement soon left our house once everyone went home. The new year will be here in just a few hours and I'm not sure if Beth's going to make it.
She's been getting noticeably weaker and the color has begun to drain from her face. Along with the help of my family, Justin and I have done everything we can to distract Jake from what's happening to his mother.
It sucks to know that my son is going to lose his mother, the person he's depended on for almost the first four years of his life. I know first hand what it's like to lose a parent and even though I didn't have my father, my mother was the reason I held it all together.
I'm going to try and be for Jake what my father was for me during the time I got to spend with him. Hopefully with the guidance of my mother, I can be the best father for my son.
"Jase?"
I look up and see Justin looking at me solemnly
"You alright?" He asks
I gulp fighting the tears that wanna build up in my eyes and nod.
I know to some people the way I'm feeling would seem wrong and disrespectful to Justin but at one point I was in love with Beth. She and I had plans to raise our son together and get married.
We wanted that happily ever after.
Sometimes I feel like I've been cheated in life, losing my dad at a young age, becoming a father as sixteen then losing my son and my girlfriend due to an ultimatum her parents gave her. Now I'm going to lose the first person I ever fell in love with.
Yes I'm happy I've got my son back but at what cost?
I never want my son to feel the pain I felt when I lost my father so I'm going to promise myself that no matter what, he will always know his mother the way I have. He'll never hurt over her passing just remember all the good times he's had with her.
And maybe, just maybe, he'll be able to see Justin and I as parents. I know it seems fast and that I've thrusted this onto Justin when we've only begun dating but I trust him and he seems to have bonded with Jake already.
I feel the bed dip and look over at Justin
"You know you can talk to me right?" He says softly
Again, I nod not trusting my own voice
"Jase I wanna hear you, I wanna know what you're thinking" He pleads
"I don't—" My voice comes out hoarse so I clear my throat "I don't know how to feel Justin"
