Against All Odds

Chapter 36 Unannounced Visitor

Niyati's POV

Here I am once again sitting in darkness trying to think about something, anything but I am blank. My mind is also as dark as the darkness outside.

It is so silent. It is as if I am sitting in a closed box.

I was happy some hours ago as the house was full of people. Then they all left, leaving me behind.

As I sit in bed in a pitch dark room I slowly realize I am truly alone now. This is how it's going to be every night. Just the darkness, silence and me.

I miss Ashu so much. I wish I could hear her voice now. But I can't call her at this ungodly hour. Plus it's her first night I can't disturb her. I know she and Shikhar won't mind but I know my limits.

Also even if I feel like talking to Ashu I don't own a cell to call her. I never felt the need for it till now. Looks like I need to buy a cell so I can be in touch with her. I can't just barge into their home whenever I miss her. Let me check if I have money left to buy a cell.

Switching on the lights I opened the cupboard to check the drawer for money. All I could find were some change scattered around. I took out my purse and started gathering money from all the nook and corners of the purse, checking and rechecking if I left any pocket unchecked. Once assured that nothing was left inside I started counting whatever I had in my hand. It hardly totalled to 400 rupees. So much for buying a cell!!

It's almost the end of month and the bills will start pouring in. I need to pay the electric bill, water bill, cable bill, newspaper bill and not to forget I need to eat too. Looks like the cell phone will have to wait for a few months. From next month I will cut off the cable and newspaper supply too. It will save me some money.

I need to find a job at the earliest. I just hope I haven't exhausted all my options. There may be some small firm in requirement of an employee. I know at my age and looking at my track record no big firm will hire me. I don't need a high pay job. Even a low pay will be enough as it's just my expenses I have to bare.

So at 4a.m. here I am sitting with a newspaper in hand going through the jobs section. Suddenly I froze. What if Shaurya still doesn't let me work?

No no. I don't think he will interfere anymore. Even though a lot of misunderstandings have been cleared out but I can't erase the dreadful night.

I know that what happened that night is what hurt him the most. I also know I want him to move on but then I myself can't. So I won't hold it against him if he still feels like taking revenge and destroying me. Not that anything is left to destroy.

I didn't even realize I had started crying. I can't help missing him. Everytime I see the hate in his eyes I feel guilty. I am the reason there is no us today.

Long forgetting the newspaper in hand and the purpose of reading it at night I lie in bed crying, snuggling the pillow. As the guilt washes over me and I close my eyes I see his face. His angry face after he had crushed his cell in his hand. And my dam breaks.

Like everytime soon I find it difficult to breathe. I know what is coming next. I eagerly wait for darkness to engulf me.

Though I find solace that I would soon pass out into a long sleep but till it comes the pain in the heart is too much. I struggle to breathe, holding my heart not paying much attention to the fact that I must be covered in sweat. Finally it starts getting blurry and my eyes start to close as I pass out.

🌄🌄🌄

It was difficult to open my eyes as I felt drained out. I was used to the anxiety attacks. I have had many till date. The first was ten years ago when Ashu was in hospital. Then breakup with Shaurya made it worse as I used to have it almost everyday because of depression. But it had stopped when Ashu finished her schooling and returned home. Yesterday it happened after a long time.