To Keep You Off My Mind

Chapter 9

Lilly's POV

I woke up the next morning nervous about the day ahead of me. Today was the day I was going to break up with Chris. The Sadie's dance was next week, if I broke up with him maybe I could ask Locke and he would want to go with me. That was the plan at least.

I went the whole day without seeing Locke or Chris, that was until 6th hour. I was walking to class when Chris ran up to me and held me up against the wall. "Where have you been all day? You disappeared last night." I could tell he was angry, but not furious, I could work with that.

"Chris, we need to talk." He bombarded my lips with his, forcing his tongue between my lips. I pushed him off, but he pushed me into the wall harder. I struggled and continued to attempt pushing him away from me. Memories from the previous night flooded my mind. I saw Locke and thoughts of relief overcame me. He saw me struggling and kept walking. I looked up to see him staring at me, but his eyes darted away once we made eye contact. I was alone, he really was done saving me. I had to end this myself.

I regained my strength and shoved Chris off of me. "Chris, I'm done. This plan isn't working, in fact it's making things worse. We're over." He pulled back in shock.

"Excuse me. After everything I've done to help you, this is how you repay me?! No. I refuse to accept it."

"Chris I'm seriou-"

"No, you listen, Lily. You really are a piece of crap, aren't you. I did all this for you and you break up with me. No wonder Locke hates you, you are a worthless piece of trash. I hope you kill yourself, because you don't deserve to live anymore." My heart dropped. I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, I felt them race down my face, one after another. "Wow, you can't even handle the truth, baby. By the way, you left any chance you ever had with a boy at my house last night. Go die." He stormed off to class and I heard the bell ring. The hallways were empty as I slid down the wall, sobbing.

He was right, maybe I should just make the world a better place and leave it. I pulled my knees to my forehead, and cried harder. I imagined the world without me, what would everyone's life be like without me. Mom? Dad? Chris? Locke? But then a thought popped into my head, a memory from my childhood.

---flashback---

We were playing Cowboys and Indians and I was lying on the ground pretending to be a princess that had just killed herself in fear of being beaten and killed by an Indian, played by my younger brother, when Locke, the cowboy, ran up to me and picked me up. He put me on a couch and kneeled down next to me.

"My dearest princess, how could this have happened? How could you take yourself from this earth? I loved you! What about our child? (Lincoln had decided it would be funnier if Locke and I were married and I was pregnant in the game. Locke and I had both agreed.) How could you leave me all alone!" He then began fake crying and Lincoln and I laughed. I arose from the couch.

"Fear not, my love, for I was only joking!!!" I smiled and he looked up laughing.

"I thought I had lost you!!" He hugged me and set his hand on the basketball in my shirt. "Don't ever leave me again!" He said in his most dramatic voice. We all burst into laughter.

---out of flashback---

I smiled as I reminisced the past. Even though we were only kids at the time, he showed me that he really did care about me. I remembered the look on his face when I had fake killed myself, a look of shock and worry masked by his perfect smile. Maybe he would miss me.

I stood up and walked to parking lot as fast as I could, I needed to get out of here. Once I got to my car I wondered where I should go. Anywhere but here, I thought. I drove to the park right across the street from Locke's house, the only place I could go to escape everything.

I drove up and got out of my car. I walked over to the playground and sat on a swing. There was a couple little girls playing in the sand that noticed the tears streaming down my face and walked over to me. The older girl, who looked to be about 6 or 7, walked over to me.

"Why are you crying?" She asked with such innocence. I wiped a few tears off my face and smiled weakly at her.

"A boy hurt me pretty bad." She gave me a look of concern. She saw the scars on my wrists.

"Did you get in a fight?" She pointed to my arms.

"Sort of." She looked confused. "Sometimes, when people get sad they hurt themselves." I explained.

"Why?" She was shocked.

"Because they just do, you'll understand when you're older." She asked me about the boy again. "He called me mean things and hurt me."

"Oh, one time a boy told me I looked like a bear and I punchesd his nose." She looked pleased with herself and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Wow, you must be pretty tough! But I couldn't punch the boy that called me the mean things, he's a lot bigger than me."

"Oh." I heard a woman call the girls over and they obeyed. I was alone, again. I felt the tears escape my eyes. I stared at the ground and moved the warm sand in between my toes. I watched some of my tears fall from my face to the sand, leaving small dark circles of wet sand on the ground.

Then I heard footsteps running towards me, but I kept my head down. I saw their feet stop in front of me and I glanced up. Locke was standing over me. My heart beat quickened. He was out of breath from running at full speed from his house to meet me.

"Lily, where have you been? Why weren't you in 6th hour? And why is Chris so mad at you?" He saw the tears and stopped asking questions. "Lily, are you okay?" He looked straight into my swollen, red eyes and it felt like he saw every ounce of pain in my eyes, because his face relaxed and his eyes widened. I lost control of my tears and burst into sobs. "Lily," his voice turned serious, "what did he do to you?" I cried harder.

"I-I'm f-fine." I tried to stop crying, but it failed. He knew I was lying and questioned me further.

"Lily, did he..." His voice trailed off as if he was afraid to say it. He grabbed the chains holding the swing up and looked directly into my eyes. "He told me some things, Lily, did he hurt you, you know, like physically?" I could tell he hoped the answer was no. I held my tears back to answer him.

"H-he, t-tried t-t-t-" I burst into tears of pain and let my head drop to my knees. He let go of the chains and placed his hands on my knees. I sat up and tried speaking. "L-last night, H-he tried to-"

"I know." I looked at him with confusion and embarrassment. "He told everyone about last night and how you wouldn't, you know, with him." He looked down and his face turned pink. I couldn't believe he would tell people that. I lost it again and started bawling. I felt Locke's arms pull me into his chest, I slid off the swing and into the sand with him. He ran his fingers through my hair and I calmed down. We pulled away, but he didn't fully let go of me. "Lily, I'm here for you, anything you need, I'm here." I smiled weakly feeling drained from all the crying.

"Locke, I'm sorry. I should have listened to you, I only dated him to try and make you jealous." Realizing what I had just said made my face turn a bright shade of red. I didn't want him to pull away so I tried to cover it up. "I was just mad, so I thought I'd just do what you told me not to." I looked up at him and he was looking right at me. We were so close I could feel his chest rising and falling on my own. My stomach tied itself in knots and I started shaking.

"It's okay, I shouldn't have left you all alone with him, it's all my fault." He released me and sat on his ankles.

"No, I should have listened to you, I'm the stupid one." I placed my hand on his knee and he put his hand over mine, causing my heart to jump.

"Lily, I miss you." He looked up at me and I smiled back.

"Me too." I leaned down and hugged him, his arms wrapping around my back. "I love you Locke." He tensed up. "I meant like a brother." I felt him release from my lie, I did not love him as a brother, not as a brother at all.

"I love you too Lily, like a sister." I let out a fake smile even though those words hurt more than anything else I've ever heard.