To Keep You Off My Mind

Chapter 6

***Warning: this chapter might get a little intense. Not like rated R, but it might be a little sensitive to some. Proceed with caution.***

Lily's POV

After about two weeks of dating Chris, I started to question his plan. No matter how many times we held hands, kissed or even made-out in front of Locke, he never seemed jealous. I began to get really depressed because of all the things Chris would make me do. Nothing horrible, but he was always so touchy and he always wanted to make-out in his car. I started thinking that the only reason he did this was to have a girl to play around with. When he first started using me I was really offended, but I guess I've gotten over it because I don't deserve to even have a guy, I'm lucky to have him. At least that's what he always tells me, and I guess I've started to believe him, so I pretty much do whatever he tells me to. What else am I supposed to do?

One day at school, Chris walked up to me and pushed me up against my locker and began kissing me, a normal thing now. I kissed back weakly until I saw Julie and Locke walk by, then I went for it a little more. Julie walked over to us, leaving Locke to walk the rest of the way to his class alone, which he did. "Hey. So I'm having a party tonight at my house at 7, and I heard that you can get us some... you know... good stuff." She said with a smile. Chris pulled away. He smiled back at her.

"You heard right. We'll be there."

"Great. See you." She flipped her blonde curls as she turned to walk away and I rolled my eyes. How could Locke choose her over me?

"What did she mean by the 'good stuff'?" I asked.

"What do you think." He gave me a look of are-you-really-that-stupid?

"Right." I still had no idea of what he meant, but I went along with it, not wanting to cause trouble.

The rest of the day dragged on slowly until it was finally time to go to the party. I got ready and ran upstairs when I heard Chris honk his horn telling me to come outside. I wasn't really excited, but I knew Locke was going to be there so I wanted to see him. I walked outside and got into the car. When I shut the door, Chris grabbed my face and kissed me. His lips tasted like beer. I turned around and saw 12 cases of beer in the backseat. So that's what he meant by the "good stuff". I noticed a few beers missing and realized Chris had drank them, so I buckled my seatbelt tight. 

Once we pulled up at Julie's, Chris grabbed the beer and brought it in, while I went and sat on a couch in the living room. Music was blasting thru the house and it was packed to the brim with people dancing, drinking, and kissing. No sign of Locke though. Chris came and sat down next to me with some beers in his hand. He offered me one, but I said no.

"Lily. Do you want to make Locke jealous? You know you are lucky to have me. Without me, there is no chance Locke would even look at you!" He mumbled as he was almost completely drunk. He was right, I have nothing to offer anyone. I thought about all the things people had told me about alcohol, and how it takes the edge off. I could use something to help this feeling of worthlessness. "Come on, Lily, just one. I promise it will make him real jealous!"

"Fine, but just one." He handed me the can and I took a sip. It was warm and it burned the inside of my throat. After a couple more sips I started to feel better, it was really working. I didn't care about Locke not liking me, even though he was so perfect. I finished the can and Chris handed me another. I opened it and took a couple sips. Things started to get a little blury, but Chris started kissing me, so I closed my eyes and kissed him back. He started running his hands up and down my body, and I liked it, it felt good to have someone love me. He began kissing my neck and chest when someone came in and whispered something in his ear. He stood up and grabbed my arm.

We walked thru the crowd of people to the stairs. I tripped a few times on my way, but recovered quickly. He started pulling me up the stairs when I heard someone call my name. I looked down and saw Locke looking up at us. I stopped walking but Chris kept pulling me up. I looked down at Locke's big brown eyes and I think he realized I was drunk, because he started walking up the stairs.

"Lily, are you drunk?"

"What! No. I only had like...uh... one can" I held up two fingers.

"Where do you think you're going?" He grabbed my arm and pulled me down a step.

"We're going on a detour, besides why do you care, she's none of your business." Chris mumbled, pulling me back up a step.

"Yes, she's my friend and I'm not gonna let her get into trouble. Lily, let's go." He grabbed my arm and started pulling me down the stairs. I was too drunk to understand what was happening so I just followed him. Chris got angry and grabbed me.

"Back off, loser." Chris shouted. Locke looked at me and then at Chris.

"Chris, let her go or I'm calling the cops." His grip tighted on my arm and Chris let me go. He was drunk, but he still knew he would get in trouble big time if he got caught providing the beer. 

Locke walked me down the stairs and thru the crowd to his car. He opened the door and helped me in. He reached across me to buckle my seatbelt and I smiled. He stood up, shut the door, and got into the driver's seat and began driving. He looked over at me and began talking.

"I can't believe you right now Lily. Being with him has really changed you. You're drunk! I mean seriously, how could you do this to yourself." He looked so cute as he letured me. I just stared at him. "Lily! Hello! Are you even paying attention to what I'm saying at all?" He glanced over at me, taking his eyes off the road for a split second.

"Why do you even care?" I managed to spit out. "I can do whatever I want. Chris was right, I'm none of your business." I thought for sure he would react to that. He had told me before to be careful, and now I wasn't.

"You know what, maybe he was right." We pulled up to my house and he turned to look at me. "Maybe he is right. Maybe you should just do everything he says, because it's your life and if you want to get drunk and make terrible decisions then go ahead. But just know that I won't always be there for you like I was tonight, you're on your own now. Have fun ruining your life." I felt a tear run down my face. He really has given up on me now. I got out of the car and closed the door. He drove off and I walked inside. I went straight to the bathroom to cry.

He really does hate me now, what have I done? I cried some more and curled up in a ball on the floor. I lost the only person who cares about me now. Chris doesn't love me, if it weren't for Locke I would be upstairs with him, doing who knows what. The alcohol began wearing off and I felt the full extent of the pain. I couldn't take it, I had to forget, just for a little while. I grabbed a razor from my shelf and rolled up my sleeve.

The last thing I remember was seeing the blood run down my arm and tears blurring my vision.