To Keep You Off My Mind

Chapter 7

**Warning: I know most people don't really care, but I'm putting this here just in case! This chapter contains kind of a mature thing, self-harm. So if you don't like to read that, you may not want to read this chapter. I promise I won't write anymore chapters about this, but I thought I should let you in on her thought process of it all. Thanks!!!**

Lily's POV

I heard a knock on the door and I opened my eyes to see blood covering my arm and a razor on the ground next to me with blood on it. Then I remembered what I had just done to myself. "Lily! Are you okay in there?" My mother shouted through the door. I didn't want her to know what was happening on the other side of the door, so I just yelled back.

"Yeah, I must have fallen asleep while I was getting ready. Sorry, I'll be out in a minute." I tried to sound calm.

"Okay, just hurry up, you really had me worried."

"Sorry." I stood up and washed the blood off my arm. It still hurt but it did take my thoughts off of Locke. It was only physical pain, something I can get through, unlike the emotional pain Locke caused me to have, which was unbearable. I looked up at myself in the mirror. I looked horrible. Mascara ran down my puffy, red cheekbones, and my eyes were bloodshot causing my blue eyes to stand out more than usual. I washed my face and cleaned up the floor and my clothes. I tried to make my self look as normal as possible so my mother wouldn't question me as I walked out of the bathroom.

I unlocked the door and walked out, but mom was standing right next to the door. "Honey, are you okay?" I yawned.

"Yeah, I told you, I'm just really tired. I guess I fell asleep in the bathroom." I tried to look embarrassed. She smiled.

"Okay, well how was the party?"

"Good. Can we talk about it later, I really just want to sleep." My head started pounding and I could feel the hangover coming on. She nods, I turned around and began walking to my room. I used every muscle in my body to make it downstairs and to my room, so when I get to my bed I fall asleep instantly.

The next morning I woke up feeling guilty about the previous night. I wanted to make things right with Locke, so I texted him.

"Locke, I'm really sorry about last night. Is there anyway I can repay you for saving me from Chris?"

I sent it and waited for a reply. Nothing. Usually Locke responds to my texts right away, but not this time. Maybe he really was done with me. I went the rest of the day constantly checking my phone with no reply from Locke. I realized what I had done, I had ruined any chance I ever had with Locke, I am a failure. Suddenly I didn't feel so stupid for cutting last night, I craved relief from my emotional pain. I needed it gone.

I decide to take a bath, hoping it would relax me and take my mind off of Locke. Nothing I did worked, and my mine kept reminding me of the escape I had last night. I saw a pair of scissors lying on the counter and I grabbed them. I held the cold blade to my wrist and pressed down. I hesitated, I knew I would regret it the second I did it, but nothing was helping me free him from my mind except this. I felt warm tears run down my face and fall into the water. I closed my eyes and slid the blade.

I felt a sharp pain and felt the blood drip down my arm into the water. I repeated the process every time I thought about Locke. After about 15 minutes I started to feel dizzy. I looked down to see the water had turned a pink-ish color. My wrists were now both covered in cuts and blood. I closed my eyes and went under water. I thought about how much pain I would feel if I took a deep breath right then, submerged under the lukewarm water. I thought about what people would do if I did. My family and close friends would miss me, but they'd get over me, Chris wouldn't even come to my funeral, but what about Locke? Would he even notice?Probably not.

I rose back up to the surface to breath. I didn't have the guts to off myself right now. I kept thinking about Locke so I made a few more cuts before washing off and going back to my room for bed.  I walked into my room to see I had received a text. I prayed it was from Locke. Nope, just Chris.

"Hey, so my parents are gone for the night want to come over? ;)" the text read. I responded.

"I don't think that's a good idea, besides what would I tell my parents?" He texted back almost immediately.

"Fine, be that way."

I breathed deep, and laid down on my bed. I thought about Locke's face when he said he was done with me. I let a few tears escaped from my eyes. There was the pain again. I ran my fingers over my fresh scabs and remembered the pain of the blade. How could I let some boy do this to me?

I thought. I laid there thinking about all the years I've known Locke and all the things we used to do together. Then I remembered.

Locke was not just some boy, he was the perfect boy, and now he hates me and it's all my fault.