To Keep You Off My Mind

Chapter 19

Lily's POV

He fell back on the bed and I ran backwards until I hit the wall. I felt tears run down my face and I covered my eyes with hands. I felt my hands shaking and I couldn't get the image of Chris out of my head. I felt as if I was back at his house that night, but wasn't able to get away. Even though he didn't really do anything physically, he messed me up emotionally. I'd never had a breakdown like this before, so I wasn't sure what was happening. I slid down the wall and sat with my knees in my chest on the the ground. I heard Locke get up and walk toward me, and I flinched when he set his hand on my knee.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed into my hands, and he retracted his hand.

"Lils." He said quietly, I could hear the fear in his voice. "I won't hurt you, I promise. Just look at me." He slowly grabbed my hands and gently pulled them away from my face. I opened my eyes and saw him crouched in front of me, and all the images of Chris disappeared. "Are you okay?"

"No." I lost control of my emotions and dug my face into my knees. He let go of my hands and pulled me into his embrace. I felt numb as he helped me stand, and walk over to his bed. I laid down and he laid next to me, holding me tight.

After a few minutes, I pushed Chris out of my mind, my tears subsided and my breathing went back to normal. I was too busy crying to realize I was lying with Locke in his bed until I opened my eyes and pulled him closer to me. I'd never been this close to a boy I actually liked before, so it felt strange and I got really nervous. He filled with energy when I touched him and he moved his hands down to my waist and pulled me even closer to him, causing all my muscles to tense up. He moved his face closer to me and pushed his lips into mine. I froze as I thought of Chris again, but did my best to block him out of my mind. I kissed him back with all my strength, and completely forgot about Chris for a moment while we kissed. I relaxed as he pulled me so close to him that I could barely breath, then moving his mouth from mine and to my neck. I didn't expect him to act like this, but I kind of enjoyed it. He started kissing me passionately and I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I shouldn't be doing this, but this feeling was overcome by feelings of lust. I felt the sinking feeling grow stronger as he moved his hands up my torso and I had to stop him. I knew what he wanted and it took everything in me to say no.

"Locke, we can't do this." He ignored me and kept kissing me. "Locke, come on, I know you don't want to, but we have to." I knew he didn't want to stop, and I didn't either, but we just couldn't, not like this. He pulled away and moved his mouth to my ear.

"I don't want to stop." He said as he tried to regain his breath. I had never seen this side of him, and I started to like it, but this couldn't happen. I grabbed his waist and pushed him back, causing him to release me from his grip. "Lils", he reached his arms out and pulled me closer. I knew I had to be the mature one on this, because he had basically lost all self-control and couldn't stop himself.

"No, Locke, I know it's not easy, I don't want to stop either, but we have to." He kissed me harder, only stopping to whisper a few words.

"Who says we have to stop?" He said, panting, and started kissing me again. He was right, who was stopping us?-No, we couldn't.

"Locke, please." He didn't stop, and the more he kissed me, the more Chris crept I to my thoughts. I started to panic as I pictured Chris kissing me. "Me, I want you to stop!" I raised my voice and was shocked to hear the amount of panic in my own voice. He sensed my fear and stopped almost instantly.

"Okay." He whispered as he pulled away from me. He respected me, something Chris never did. I started convincing myself that not all men are like Chris, and maybe I could actually love one. After forgetting Chris, I thought about Locke, and how he was sitting right in front of me, wanting me as much as I wanted him. I stared into his eyes and he stared back. The feelings of lust returned and I couldn't help but give in this time. I leaned in and kissed him. He hesitated, but kissed me back after a moment. "What changed your mind?" He whispered in between kisses. I ignored him and kept kissing him, reaching to remove his shirt. I pulled his shirt up to his chest when we heard the front door open and footsteps walk in. We immediately stood up, and fixed ourselves.

"I thought you said your parents were out of town!" I whispered.

"They are, maybe it's Shepherd. Stay here, I'll go check." He walked out of the room and shut the door. I put my ear against the wall and listened closely.

    "Hey guys, what are you doing here?" I heard Locke ask.

    "We came by to check up on you and grab some stuff for Shepherd." I heard a man's voice that sounded familiar, but couldn't place exactly. "So, what are you up to this evening?"

     "Oh, you know, just hanging out and watching some movies, maybe I'll order a pizza or something. What are you guys doing?" I could tell Locke was acting different- more mature.

     "Sounds like fun. Well, hope you have fun. Boys, are you ready?" Then I heard two boys yell back 'yes'.

      "Well, see ya, Link." I froze.