The New Chapter | TendouxReader

Four

Not even a week into their marriage, Tendou brought up the baby ordeal again, which caused a larger argument than expected. They shouted at each other, accusations were made, the argument lasted hours. Their night ended with shouts of anger, coming from the both of them. As soon as Tendou face away from her, she stormed off into their room and slammed the door shut.

Y/n bit her nailbeds so far down that if she moved her fingers at all, it would cause an immense amount of pain. But she bit them further- despite the pain- as she paced angrily around their room. "It hasnt even been a week. WHY CANT HE JUST LET IT GO!" She shouted as she punched the bed once, then fell to her knees, fisting the sheets. 

Y/n understood that he wanted a family more than anything but that was exactly why he needed to let it go. All he was doing was making y/n feel guilty for not being able to give him what he wanted most. The guilt was eating her alive already, he was just making it so much harder. 

Her chest felt heavy. With each breath she took, it got heavier, like a huge boulder was dropped onto her frail body. She gripped the bed sheets so hard, they wrinkled beneath her hands and her knuckles were white. Her breathing became uneven as her lip quivered. As much as she tried to talk herself out of it, y/n just couldnt stop blaming herself.

She cried into the sheets, her shoulders rose and fell as her body choked out more sobs, the tears flew out of her eyes with no intentions of stopping, dripping onto the floor below with a splat. Y/n thought of how happy she was just a few days ago, she thought of him telling her, "We'll be alright".

Thats when y/n decided that she didnt want any more of these arguments, today is where the arguments would end. Even though her tears blurred her vision, she sent a message to Dr. Yamamoto to schedule an appointment. Y/n knew there was no point in going on those damned pills but if it made him happy, then she'd do it. 

Y/n was at a total loss but she analyzed her options. It was either:
(a) She be realistic and tell him that going on the pills was not up for discussion. They could continue to try without them, but she knew that it wouldn't work. But still, the option of trying was out there. Now the repercussions of this decision: She had a feeling that he'd end up resenting her if she never tried. Later on, he may play "what ifs", saying something like "what if we had kids when we could have" or "what if you wanted to try, what could've happened?". Not only that but... this option comes with arguments, which is something y/n did not want.

Or (b) Y/n goes on the pills just to make him happy at the expense of her health. She didnt lie when she told him that taking the pills nearly took everything out of her. She felt hollow and somehow, even more fragile than she already was. But she'd muscle up, for him. Negatives of this choice: If she were to go on the pills again, that means that she would have to return to her very strict diet. This included specific times that she had to eat and her options for food was very limited. With this, EVERYTHING becomes scheduled. Her and Tendou would not be allowed to have spontaneous sex, the only times that they would be able to have intimate time together was when it is scheduled and whats the fun in that?
How much steps she takes in a day would need to be counted as well as the amount of exercise she does. Not only did the pills drain the life out of her, physically, but it would steal her life away too. She would not be allowed to have fun at all. The biggest deal breaker of them all... if she were to get pregnant, the pregnancy would threaten her life and her babys. What if Tendou loses them both? What if they lose their child? Would he blame her? And the worst possibility, what if her child has to grow up without a mother, just as y/n did.

But perhaps she was overthinking it. The universe wouldnt be that  mean to her and her family right?

She took a deep breath and stood up from the floor, her legs wobbling and mostly asleep. Y/n stared at herself in the mirror, her eyes were popping out of her head and she just looked.... tired. "I need to shower" Y/n muttered to herself as her lips began to tremble again. She felt so guilty, it was all her fault that he couldn't have a family.