Me, My Cigarette, and The World

25- A year of longing.

Damon

Graham. All I can think about is Graham as our van drives through the familiar neighbourhood of the large city I had once called home. I know he's doing good for himself, with the art and all. I even had the chance to check out one of his Manchester exhibits. He wasn't there, but I felt a little closer to him just being near things he had created. His art style has changed drastically and I both love and hate how I was probably a part of that development. I can truthfully say that I will never forget one specific painting. It was still abstract but far more clear than his previous works. It featured a man wrapped in a white duvet sitting on a balcony. It didn't take much effort to see that it was me. The view was familiar. All the buildings matched up with my memories of the place I had lived.

After that exhibit, I made a point to keep tabs on my love. Making sure to ask Alex about him whenever I got the chance. I even started calling his home phone every few shows in hopes that he'd pick up. He never did, but it was never like Graham to even consider answering for a random number. Louis parks the van outside of the adored apartment building.

"You seem excited." Mike says absentmindedly as he skims through his magazine. I just now realize that my leg is bouncing a mile a minute and that I'm smiling. Funny how Graham does that to me. I shrug and continue beaming up at the building just outside the smelly van I'm sitting in. I'm almost home. "You ready to see everyone?"

"Yeah. It's been too long y'know?" I say happily and Mike just laughs at my antics. It really has been too long. Hopefully long enough for Graham to forget all of the terribly awful things I had said and done. "It feels like forever ago that you two left me here." I feign seriousness and Mike looks away from his magazine. Louis scoffs from the drivers seat and I just laugh.

"You know we're sorry for that one, mate. Honest mistake." Louis holds his hands up in defeat. It didn't seem to honest to me, but I let it go and opt to get out, taking my suitcase with me.

"Alright guys, I'll see you in a few months when we get back in the studio." I smile and they nod. "I'll call you if all goes well." It's a promise I hope will go as planned. They're probably just excited to get rid of me because they have heard nothing but stories about Graham and I for the past year. They told me they want to meet him when things get back to normal. God, I hope things get back to normal.

The first step into the building feels like coming home. Everything is just how I left it. Alex waits for me in the lobby and I immediately drop my suitcase and run over to give the tall man a tight hug. Though our last in person encounter had been quite strained, Alex and I both missed each other very much this year. I can't wait to hear about everything he's been up to since I left.

"Damon, mate. I missed you!" He cries out in an over exaggerated manner as he hugs me even tighter. I can barely breathe but I don't care enough to pull away.

"I missed you too." I mock. He punches me in the shoulder and grabs my suitcase. I complain that he doesn't have to do that but he just keeps walking so I shut my mouth and get into the elevator.

Alex's apartment is spotless. Wine and cheese sit out as per usual and No Doubt plays from his radio in the kitchen. We both collapse onto the couch and begin a long conversation about where this past year has taken us. Alex tells me that he has gone back to school and is majoring in engineering. He also tells me that he thinks he's met the love of his life, Claire.

"She's just so amazing, Damon. She told me she wanted to move in and I think it's a wonderful idea. I just don't like being away from her." He gushes. I listen intently at the way he expresses his undying affection for this woman and it warms my heart. It's so nice to hear Alex has found someone. Claire is a very lucky woman. Alex has a good head on his shoulders unlike me. He knows right from wrong. I just wish I had taken more of his advice when I was with Graham.