Me, My Cigarette, and The World

26- Brand new start.

Graham

Why is he here. My mouth hangs open as he shivers profusely from the balcony. I let him in without a second thought. His lips have a blue tint to them due to cold London weather. He just stares at me with this stupid grin on his face. My stomach is doing flips and I feel as if I'm right back where I was a year ago. Words don't seem to find me easy the longer he smiles at me and I begin to pray to whatever there is out there that he'll just fucking say something.

"Who the fuck..." Frank. Thank god for frank. I break the awkward eye contact between me and Damon to address the elephant in the room. 

"J-Just an old f-friend." And just like that I am reduced to a stuttering mess. I wish Damon didn't impose the exact opposite effect he had on me previously. I feel so small with him standing across from me right now. "Do you think you could hang out in my room for a little while, Frank? I should probably uh, deal with this." I compose myself to the best of my abilities.

"I guess." He gives me a weird look as he slowly gets up. As he walks over to my room he gives me a look that says 'holler if this asshole gives you any trouble'. I smile gratefully to let him know I got the message. As my bedroom door shuts though, I realize that I actually have to face the issue at hand. Damon is already sitting on the couch and wrapping himself tightly in the blanket Frank had been using. I finally get a good look at him. I mean a really good look. He looks like absolute shit. He mush have lost at least twenty pounds which is a lot considering the fact he was already small when we had known each other before. His face is gaunt and the bags under his eyes stand out against his far too pale skin. I also don't miss the marks running um his thin arms as he adjusts the blanket around himself.

"How have you been Graham! I love what you've done with the place. The leather couches were a lovely touch-"

"why are you here?" I cut him off quickly. My voice is drained of any emotion as I watch the giddy childlike grin fall from his face and get replaced with immediate worry. I sit down now, leaving a spot on the couch between us. It feels as if we're worlds away.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" He sounds so hurt and I almost feel bad but the longer I watch him pout I remember what he did to me. What he put me through. I convince myself to stay stoic.

"Honestly? Not really." All hope slips from his features and his eyes go glassy as he rubs his arm either for comfort or warmth. I Try to ignore how mean I just was as I wait for his response. 

"I just thought-" He starts.

"Just thought w-what?" I cut him off again. I really am being brutal today. My hands begin to shake and anger crawls up through my chest. "That you were just going to come back and things were going to be exactly how they were? Get a f-fucking grip." He looks down at his lap and takes a deep breath before looking up again. This time he avoids eye contact at all costs. I watch as he settles for looking just past me, trying to give off the impression that he's looking at me. He's always been so prideful, it makes me feel sick.

"I knew we would have to work through some things when I got back but I never planned on being gone forever." He whines. " Why are you being so mean?" He looks into my eyes again. a certain sadness and loss is clearly visible and my anger escapes.

"Are you fucking kidding me? I needed you Damon! I needed you so fucking b-bad and you just left me like I was some sort of fucking burden! You completely shattered my entire world and you expect me to just fall right b-back into your arms as soon as you step back into my life! You honestly thought that would work out in your favour?" I raise my voice slightly but keep watch on the volume as my eyes find the clock hung up on the wall. It's late. I'm too tired for this shit right now.