Me, My Cigarette, and The World

3- Venturing down the hall.

Graham

Damon made a quick exit out of my apartment and I tried not to let it discourage me. I carry on with my morning as if he was never there, except he did leave a fair bit of vomit on toilet seat for me to clean up. I almost added to the mess when I nearly touched it with my hand. That was easily on of the most disgusting things I've ever dealt with in my life.

After that, my day went back to the uneventful blandness I've grown to love. I feel a bit empty now though. I don't know if I should have enjoyed Damon's short lived presence, or be glad he's gone. Though he was a terrible guest, just knowing that I wasn't all alone in the apartment made me feel excited. I of course had to mess it up though. I let out a sigh as I get in the shower.

I absolutely need to go out today to buy my paint and a new tv. I think I have enough money saved up and if I just keep my head down and try to look intimidating, maybe people won't try to approach me. I know that won't work though because I've been told that I resemble a huggable teddy bear. I never really wanted to hear that. I wanted to be Graham, the tough, unapproachable man that strangers don't want to talk to, but I also do want people to talk to and like me. Why am I so confusing to myself?

I step out of the shower an dry my body off with a towel before wrapping it around my bottom half and starring at myself in the foggy mirror over my bathroom sink. I have to tell myself that I'll be okay. That I won't die in a freak accident, and that I won't make a complete fool of myself today. I will be okay.

By the time I finish convincing myself that I absolutely have to leave my apartment, my hair is dry and the steam from my shower has cleared out. I walk to my bedroom to get dressed. It takes me a few minutes, but I decide to wear a striped shirt and an old pair of jeans that don't have as many paint stains on them as my other ones. I finally put on my glasses and then a pair of converse.

I take a deep breath before I leave. I really hope I don't mess anything up today. I don't need any more embarrassing moments to haunt me at night. I can't have that.

I remember that I need to be at Grace's for coffee at sometime later today as I pass her door. I should probably get something to bring with me, but I know I'll forget when the time rolls around.

Jamie smiles and waves at me when I walk out through the front entrance. I wave back shyly before continuing to make my downtown where all the stores are. Jamie and I almost never speak, but he's still extremely nice to me. I pay him to get my groceries so I don't have to deal with it and sometimes he'll just buy them for me. I probably would have starved by now if I didn't have him.

I go into the small, quiet art store and quickly grab a few jars of blue paint before putting them on the front counter. The woman working asks me if that's all I'm buying. I grab a few jars of other colours because she probably thinks that I'm being cheap. My bag ends up a lot heavier than I had intended it to be.

Next I walk to the pawnshop. I don't need a brand new tv, that would be far too expensive. I decide on one of medium size before realizing that I have to get it home. I pay for it and ask the man working if there's a phone I can use to call a cab. He grumbles and rolls his eyes before showing me to the back room. I anxiously thank him before I call. The cab shows up within a few minutes and I'm home by noon.

I sigh in relief as I enter my apartment. Leaving wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. Having to ask to use the phone in the pawnshop was quite embarrassing, but it was over all an okay experience. Now would be a good time to head over to Grace's so I don't over think my every action from earlier.

I leave my apartment for the second time today and walk down the hall and knock on Grace's door. She answers with a motherly smile, telling me to come in. She has everything set up nicely like always and she's already poured me a cup of coffee just how I like.