the chronicles of Night:the forgotten Diary

Friday Night Shabbat

Dear Diary,

A few weeks have passed and the times I have lived here I feel could be hundredfold, and they still would not feel any fresher, cleaner, more loving than in the moments of the Niles that was the family's last name. they were Jews and not just any but mizrachi jews or arab jews in Alexandrian, I noticed, so I was already aware of their customs. though I don't know how, As I was given a part in their home I was given a room and good food. I didn't mind doing chores, I was learning, but ever so often I had visions, headaches, and images of fights in a large arena, circular, high walls, and just in numerous little kids like myself and older, fighting. I didn't know why this came up it meant something though, but I couldn't tell if something went wrong in my past. I didn't understand, so I started asking questions, and Hasina was glad to talk to me. 

"I zense zomething bothering you Kaliya tell me what ails you aa rassi I'll try to helb?" 

I sighed and began speaking...intellectually its been a few months since I acted like a mute I said

 "I-I have zese visions, dreams of a circular arena of kidz and young adults, fighting me. it's me against five-ten, even fifteen kids and I win often enough, I seem to be formidable but teh more I move and fight, teh harder it is to breathe, and zeems like my toughts temselves are on a time loob and it stops as I walk to a door tere's a man in shadows and ten as te man is about to speak I hurt  I shake I throw up". 

Hasina looked troubled like she knew something but she just smiled and pat my head.               "baala taameh my dear Kali, worthless brobably means nothing dreams mean different things in common culture maybe its telling you your asking too much of yourself rest relax we got you here it's ok don't let me get you down"

 I fake smiled at her, I wanted to believe her..but I didn't and the way that she said balla taameh really concerned me. I could tell something was wrong but I didn't know what it was.

I looked at her eyes but they were smiling, perhaps I was thinking too hard,balla taameh I didn't want to be a burden so I let it go, and went back to my room and prepared my bath. It's a Friday so we have Shabbat tonight, so It is my ritual to shower before the ceremony. My, I guess, sisters thought it was taking it too far but I didn't think so why not go the extra? I'm in the bath, feeling the water clear my head, the water washed the day's wear away from me, and the more I looked at the water, the more of my reflection I saw. A lot of it still spoke of something I didn't know or perhaps told me what I didn't want to know. I looked at my hand, my left hand I was left-handed, but it's strange, I didn't realize it until that moment. I clenched it like I was holding a sword, a spear, a dagger, but nothing seemed especially familiar to my mind even as I made the motions from my mind or body movements. I took a deep breath and dunked my head under the water. When I came up, I exhaled and, moved the water from my hair, rubbed my moderately muscular body down with soap, and dove underwater again.

I do not have Hasini come in this time, I wished to bathe by myself. I get out just before I wrap a towel around myself I look at the mirror, still looking at my scars ,that glared at me,like a warning, tracing every scar that existed only in my mind, knowing full well they were evidence of my past, maybe even the visions being real, but why and where did they come from? 'Do you know who I am?" I asked the reflection in the mirror and I just see myself looking back at me. I sigh and turn away and put on a black throbe slip for pajamas from Na-i-lah and blue underwear that my sister Ra-bi-ah gives me until I can get some clothes of my own, and pajama pants, I look at the underwear its baby blue, a pretty color I don't know the color that well right now but the color of the underwear calmed me I thought It was a good idea to make it my favorite color I got out of the bathroom dressed in Baby blue pajama pants and the black throbe slip and walked to the kitchen and my family was setting up the candles, and the bread with the wrapping on it. It was sweet from the times I've done this with them. I feel a deep appreciation for religions, perhaps I had one in my life. It's a bitter thought what if I never got my memories back?. I didn't understand the language but I follow everything, my sisters, my...mom? and I-we held hands and my mom starts as we all put hands on the bread

"Barukh atah Adonai EloheinuElohaynu melekh ha-olam ha-motzi lechem Shel-Sha-bot. (Amein)" She kissed our foreheads, and I smiled. It was nice, I wished I knew what they meant. My sisters kissed each other, but they didn't kiss me. I didn't mind, it's not traditional to bring a stranger in. perhaps later, but not until they asked me to. Next, the sister Na-i-lah went to pour the juice, it's supposed to be wine but none of us like wine, so they used grape juice, and yet as we waited she stopped "Mom can Kali do this? I think it would be nice considering she's now officially abart of our family" I feel myself grow hot again; it was the first time I heard any of them call me Kali they always called me "kaliya" even that I didn't know it was my real name like I was a formal guest now it was informal and I felt closer, I'm blushing I can feel it I wasn't expecting that, do I dare?

Yes I did, I stepped up quietly and they presented me with a goblet. A small golden cup and with a small book, I read from. I try to read it the letters are in Hebrew but the sounds are underneath "Baruch a-tah-do-nai, E-lo-hei-nu melech ha-olam, borei p'ri hagafen Ba-ruch a-tah, A-do-nai, E-lo-hei-nu, me-lech ha-o-lam, a-sher ki-d'sha-nu b'mits-vo-tav v'ra-tsa va-nu, v'sha-bat kawd'sho b'a-ha-va uv'ra-tson hin-chi-la-nu, zi-ka-ron l'ma-a-sei v'rei-shit. t'chi-la l'mik-ra-ei ko-desh, ze-cher li-tsi-at Mits-ra-yim. Ki va-nu va-char-ta v'o-ta-nu ki-dash-ta mi-kawl ha-a-mim, v'Sha-bat kawd-sh'cha b'a-ha-va u-v'ra-tson hin-chal-ta-nu. Ba-ruch a-tah A-do-nai, m'ka-deish ha-Sha-bat. (Amen) ." I didn't understand the words but I knew I could learn, I poured the juice and I spoke the sounds, butchering them I'm sure. I poured the juice, making a mess as I poured it, preparing to stop it near the top, but before I can stop Ra-bi-ah kept me from letting up so I spill it over the plate underneath and look at her and everyone they are staring at me and I feel I made a mistake somewhere so I asked, choosing my words carefully as I once again felt my temperature rise. "Um, W-Why...are you guys staring at me?" Then Ra-bi-ah smiled and looked at me. "you forgot amen," I completely blushed. I felt it, I should have known that. "Ah-mein" " And the family followed. They clapped for me and I felt like I made progress in this family. I'm lucky."