Pure intentions.
Pure intentions like, he has no intentions of lying to me.
Absolutely no deception.
Pure honesty.
None of that at all. Just pure intentions. Like sitting at some coffee shop and enjoying a cup of cappuccino, pure. Staying on the phone talking, just you listening to me rant about all the things interest me. That kind of pure.
To me, you were all that. All pure. Truly honest and honorable.
To me, you were that man who went beyond my expectations of purity.
To me, you were always patient.
To me, it's always me. Have I ever thought about you and your plans, Boruto?
I never expected the day he suddenly left and jetted off to Sanguinem. Not even informing me of his plans and ambitions. I knew of his brilliance but I never expected him to suddenly be gone in a blink of an eye. I always thought he'd stay.
He's just- gone. Just gone.
I always thought that I knew. Always saw what was going to happen next. What we could be. What we'd have. That I, of all people, would always know him and all his moves. That's what I always thought. Although, my always couldn't be more wrong.
It took me days before I finally registered that was gone. He wasn't within my range anymore. It didn't take me buckets of tears to finally come to a realization. Just a sudden day of not seeing him and cracking the explanation from his little sister, a friend of mine. It took only that for me to gather my thoughts, forget what I thought I knew and finally accept that he was gone.
I wanted to know why. Why he suddenly bolted. One moment he as here by my side, giving me all the joy and comfort I could ever need then he's gone by the next. I needed answers why I didn't get a proper goodbye. A proper explanation at least. I just wanted the reasons why and maybe I would let all of this go and keep moving forward.
But I couldn't get answers. Was he always this ambitious? Wanting that career of his so bad that he left without a single farewell? What was it that drove him to foreign lands so suddenly? I just wanted to know. I just wanted to know!
Why couldn't he have given me a single answer? Not even a clue why he was attending the big university, I knew nothing of it. What have I done to be deprived of such knowledge?
Was he always like this?
A moment clapped over the other and there I was. Back in school, surviving this. This sudden feeling of loneliness. I've never felt this way before. Not even feeling the tears burning up in the eyes, wanting to escape my tear ducts. Numb to the feeling of excelling, hearing all the compliments. It was like all my serotonin was sucked up by that blonde man.
That inconsiderate, ambitious, blonde man that I love with all my heart.
I love him.
I still do.
Even with the suden loss, I can't help but still feel all of these things. It was like there were walls I couldn't see and I just wanted to break out of them.
I wanted to breathe.
I wanted to feel alive again.
I want to feel content again before he marched his away into my life.
I wanted to feel that again.
At the same time, I also want to have him here.
Feel the warmth from his grins. Feel the joy radiating from us two as he finally managed to give me some time.
I just wanted all of the back.
To feel that warmth, joy and his pure intentions.
Then I felt my forehead crash with another being. I didn't feel that pain, though I wasn't numb. I rubbed my forehead as sigheed. I was about to continue with all my thinking and just ignore the one I bumped into. Unfortunately, the said person couldn't just let me go for bumping into them.
"Sarada?"
I looked up to see Himawari. Her face so full of concern. Her eyebrows slightly crinkled and meeting at the middle. Then her eyes. Oh her eyes, they were just like his. I blinked and took a deep breath. Not wanting to break down and burst into tears in front of my friend. Her arms suddenly moved and I didn't notive how her hands were on my cheeks now. She rubbed them fondantly before she spoke.
"What's going on with you? C'mon, let's take a walk by the field. Maybe the fresh air would clear your mind and ease your thoughts, yeah?" She asked as she removed her hands from my face and slung her arm around my shoulder. She patted her left shoulder, signaling me to lay my head there as we began to take a stroll.
She found a pace that she knew I could keep up with. She took her steps slowly as I did with mine. She rubbed my shoulder and sighed before she decided to speak. She chose her words carefully as she stared at my eyes with pure concern.
Just like he used to.
"Do you want to talk about it or do we just walk in silence?"
I didn't give her an answer as I took a deep breath. Not wanting to be overwhelmed by all of the things I'm feeling. All of the things I want to feel. The ones that I used to feel. Now, I'm just overwhelmed by his absence.
"Honestly, I would really love to talk about it. I'm just overwhelmed." I said then she turned her head to me. She was so concerned for me. I wonder what it would be like to have her as my sister. She then smiled at me before she lets out a small chuckle.
She released my shoulder and walked a little futher. She continued to grin like it just another day. It confused me, was she happy that I was overwhelmed? I just wonder what's going inside that pretty little head of hers. Oh, I wonder whatever you're thinking, Himawari.
She then surprised me by crossing her legs and sitting on the grass of the field. She pats the grass across from her, gesturing for me to sit. Oh, am I finally getting answers?
"You see, it was pretty sudden actually."
"Tepes' Academy suddenly sent him the letter. Asking him to join right ahead, since 'ya know, he was already in his senior year. He's brilliant, we all know that. It was so sudden that he never thought of discussing this with you."
Oh. This shocked me to my very core. That sudden? I never thought of that. My eyebrows rose in surprise to which she took notice on. Was she about to continue? Will I know how he's doing? "I see you're curious. Well, all of us weren't prepared for this you see? God's sake, we don't even know what course he's taking." She explained further.
"Is he alright? How's he doing?" I asked. She then scratched her neck before giving me answers. A habit of hers when she usually doesn't know what to do. For once, I do hope I'm wrong about my knowledge with her habits. "Hima?"
"Alright, so we haven't heard yet. What I know is that, he's already arrived in Sanguinem. I don't know if he's already taking his classes, extracurriculars and all that. That's all we know. He's just arrived at Sanguinem and he's getting settled in."
"If you honestly want to know, call him. Start a face time. He'd appreciate that. He was kinda dreadful when he left Japanese soil. Just talk to him. Who knows? You guys might still be together." She the shrugged as she tilted her head towards the sky.
"Do you honestly think he'd like to talk to me?" I wondered out loud. Scared that maybe if I did reach out, he'd immediately drop the call and never talk to me again.
"Are you kidding? He'd love that! Look, all you need to do is get the time zones intact then maybe you guys could communicate. He would need a voice from home. Something that would bring him comfort."
