|| 𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗰 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗽 ; 양정원

four💫

//tw: thoughts of self harm//

. •. ° ✯° . •.°✧°.• .°✯ ° .• .

Jungwon was at an all-time low. His head was in a mess. He couldn't think straight. He couldn't get even a bar of melody out from his head. He felt like burying himself in his warm fluffy blanket back home, and just crying himself to sleep. Maybe eat some ice cream as well.

He had just been berated by his manager, for missing an important meeting for their comeback, just for some fun and games. And when Jay tried standing up for him, his manager criticised him even more for not knowing which is more important. Play, or work. And worse, he didn't know how to respond. He just stood there dumbly letting his manager scold him for going out with a friend. Or, rephrase. Trying to get out of the suffocating negative thoughts in his mind.

So, after the lecture, he slumped over to his studio and tried composing something again. But, despite meeting Y/n, nothing seemed to come out. It seemed as though his manager had ruined his mood for writing a song completely.

//tw

On the verge of tears, he buried his head in his arms, trying to suppress his feelings. And then some scissors on the desk caught his eye. Will it hurt? He didn't know. He never did something like that before. Even with all the hate messages, and all the pressure put on them, he never broke until he needed to apply physical harm to himself. But now, it seemed like he was falling too far into the abyss. He reached out towards the scissors, slightly apprehensive.

Just as he was about to grab onto them, the studio door flung open, revealing Heeseung. Jungwon jumped and quickly retracted his hand.

//tw end

"Hey... I'm here to check on you. You okay?" Jungwon wanted to say no. He wanted to just jump into his brother's embrace and cry his heart out. Tell him everything. In hopes that he could comfort him.

But he couldn't. He just couldn't. Something was stopping him and he doesn't know why. He just wanted to be alone. His members just suddenly felt so distant from him. He didn't want to burden them with his stupid existence. Especially since his declining mental health would just weigh down the group. So, forcing a smile onto his face, he replied.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"You know, if you need anything, or just want to talk about anything, I'm here for you." Heeseung ruffled Jungwon's hair.

"Yeah. I know. But I'm really fine, hyung." Jungwon smiled again.

"Sorry hyung." Was what he thought instead.

"Okay then. Uh... Bang PD told us to rest so, just go home and rest. You don't need to fret over this anymore, don't worry." Heeseung pointed to the computer.

"O-oh yeah. Okay. Then I'll go now." Jungwon grabbed all his things and stood up.

"Mhm. See ya."

"See ya." And Jungwon left.

Internally screaming, Jungwon grabbed onto the steering wheel while driving aimlessly around the streets. He wanted to cry. But no tears fell. He wanted to scream until he had no more voice. But, the media couldn't catch that. Imagine, "Enhypen's Jungwon screaming like a psychopath." makes it on the news. And it's just screaming. He wanted to disappear. He wanted to stop existing. What's the point of life when you don't even feel happy anymore? He wanted to die.

But he was a coward. He couldn't even bring himself to cut himself, what makes him think he can actually jump off a building or stab himself? And, what would happen to his members? And...