consequences

chapter nine: platonic

HELLO again! i'm sorry if i left you on a cliffhanger and made you wait. i'm wicked! ENJOY!

şahika felt frozen for a moment, she couldn't move she couldn't speak. what was she going to do now, what should she say? how could she be so stupid!

ender was a smart woman, of course she was going to notice.

"i.. well i.h..how"

Ender smirked and looked down "well, I have a way of noticing this things şahika but i got to say i was quite surprised, i didn't expect it to be so sudden and obvious, and you weren't exactly discreet at..let's say the night we went to that cafe to celebrate our victory."

Şahika's nervousness was gone a bit but now humiliation took it's place, she didn't know if she had ever felt so embarrassed before. She felt like all the muscles in her body was locked, she couldn't move. "i..i..oh god" she hid her face in her hands, what a mess. How was she gonna get out of this one now!?

"oh şahika calm down, although I always thought you were straight! I always saw many different men around you. And you had a husband"

"yes I did. I..i mean I am but.." Finally şahika had the courage to look up and face ender "oh god.. ender I had no idea that I was so..."

"what? Obvious? Well you were"

If şahika didn't know any better she would have thought ender was enjoying this, and maybe she was "look ender, this is very confusing and new for me as well but I didn't want to make you uncomfortable in any way. i'm sorry"

"are you really?"

Honestly? No; she was not sorry. She was confused about her desire and feelings, that was true but regretting it? No. So she shook her head "no but I never intended for you to find out"

Ender shrugged "well I know now; and I don't know about you but I AM straight! I have never been attracted to another woman in my life"

Ouch! şahika was expecting to hear something like this of course but still knowing it and facing it were two different things. and the thought of ender not being interested in her, not even a little bit, did hurt. And she didn't know how to reply so she stupidly said "yeah.."

"but of course.." Ender just kept talking "i never thought physical attraction was necessary in a relationship"

What now!? Ok forget about before, now şahika was truly lost for words "pardon..!!?"

Finally ender looked up and actually looked at her and saw the confusion in her face, she rolled her eyes and got up from her seat and began pacing the room "i mean.. look; in the past we both had been in many relationships with men that didn't appreciated us. They didn't understand us and our desires and passions am I wrong?"

Well she did have a point "umm..no..i mean y..yeah you're right"

"but you and I are alike; we think alike and what we want from life is the same and you understand me"

"oh no.. I really don't think so" she definitely didn't understand ender. nope!

Ender let out a breath ,clearly frustrated, and sat back down beside şahika "i mean you understand me more than anyone could ever have"

şahika felt like her head was under the water, she could hear what ender was saying but it was all unclear and fuzzy inside her head "ender..w..what are we exactly talking about!!?"

şahika could feel ender's patience running out. But she still manage to take a deep breath and reply "look, you care about me I know that. It's not just sexual. If it was; you wouldn't have made me your partner and share anything with me. You even took me to your personal secret place. I know that you care about me and.." She looked shy all of a sudden and looked down but then she took a deep breath and looked back up, like she was collecting her courage "i care about you too"